Don't Let Go
by LiseCate
Summary: Kate's been in a coma for 2 years. When she awakens, she learns that Castle let her go. He's moved on for the sake of his sanity. Can she forgive him for abandoning her? Will Castle risk his heart again to be with Kate? Love always finds a way. Or so they say!
1. Hello, Good-bye

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, nor do I have any ties to the actors that portray those characters even though I've shared the same air space as Stana Katic, Andrew W. Marlowe, and Kate Sargeant. Alas, I have no rights to them either. I hope you enjoy my musings and that you forgive me my untimely updates. Always, ElizaCat (aka LiseCate, aka Eliza)

Chapter 1: Hello, Good-bye.

**_"You_** let me go. Castle, you let me go," Beckett whispered, heartbroken. She didn't bother to wipe the tears from her eyes. They were past hiding from one another. They'd been partners, lovers...he was her one and done. That was then.

"Kate...I'm..." he breaks off and goes to stare out the window. He can't look at her. Coward that he is. She is broken, not because of the damn accident. No, she is broken because of him. "Kate, I am so sorry. I will never be able to put into words how sorry I am. The doctors...the doctors - they were all certain you were gone. You were never going to awaken. Kate, I called in specialists from all over the world. They all said the same thing...that you were..." his voice breaks. He breaks. Crying, he walks to her bedside, grasps her hand tightly so she can't slip away from his hold. Looking her in the eyes, he whispers, "You were brain dead, Kate. That's what they all told me. I had to go. I wanted to go with you but Alexis..."

"Then, why was I still on life support, Rick?"

"Your dad. Kate, your dad - he believed. He believed in you." Dragging his hand down his face, his words pained him, "Oh, dear God. Beckett, he believed in you even when I did not."

"How long?" Her words a whisper across his heart.

"Beckett, don't." Castle turned and walked away. This was the hardest thing he'd ever done. He'd loved this woman. He'd loved her like no one before or since. And yet. And yet, he was engaged to be married in the coming months.  
"How long, Castle!" God, it sucked to be stuck in this god-forsaken hospital bed. Hooked up to machines to ensure her vitals were closely monitored. That's what happens when you've been in a coma for 2 years.  
Castle sighs. There's little he can give her at the moment. The least he can do is answer her questions honestly. "A year. It was a year. Kate, I never thought..."  
"At least, you gave it a year. Right, Castle?" Her sarcasm is unquestionable. Maybe, maybe a year was long enough? Maybe she is being selfish. She's not! Dammit! They'd fought tougher battles than this. He'd waited FOUR YEARS for her to notice him! Now this? God, she hurt. THIS HURT! "Castle, I'm tired. I'd like to see my dad before I pass out from exhaustion. Send him in on your way out, please."  
She closes her eyes. She can't watch him walk away. She can't.  
"Kate, I am...sorry. I'll send your dad in. I'll check on you again soon."  
"Rick, thank you for helping my team bring down Bracken. Dad filled me in...I'll never be able to repay you. But...my road to recovery is difficult as is. Castle, I need for you to say good-bye. I can't see you with someone else too. I can't..." A choked sob. The tears fall uninhibited. This is what a broken heart feels like. Worse, far far worse than the bullet to her heart. At least then...Then, she was numb. Except for his "I love you".  
Castle stood over her bedside watching the tears fall. Her eyes tightly closed. His fingers danced across her jawline capturing her tears. His head bent, his lips ghosted across her forehead. "Beckett! Beckett, I don't want to say good-bye. I l-..."  
Kate opened her eyes. Her emerald gaze bore into his own. "You already did, Castle."  
The truth was a mighty sword deftly aimed at his heart. Richard Castle was not a quitter, but this was...over. They were over because of him. How was it that he believed in Fate, Magic, Santa Claus, Aliens, and Conspiracy Theories, but he never believed the extraordinary KB would ever return to him?  
"I'll get Jim. Goodnight, Kate."  
She didn't watch him leave. Refused to watch him give up on them. "Give Martha and Alexis my love. Good-bye, Castle."

Jim Beckett entered his daughter's room quietly. His brief exchange with Rick had confirmed his worst fears. He'd tried to delay their reunion, but his little girl had never accepted the word 'no' easily. The doctors having been forewarned of the nature of their relationship and Castle's current status tried to thwart the meeting. Even they were no match for Kate Beckett.  
He watched the emotions and the shadows play across her face. His heart ached for his little girl whose heart was broken over a boy she'd never expected to love. He gathered her in his arms, whispering words of love and sorrow. He hadn't seen her cry since they'd lost Johanna not even during the summer she'd spent with him at the cabin after her shooting.  
Kate cried until the hiccups started. Jim handed her a glass of water and brushed her hair back, tucking the strands behind her ears.  
Kate drank until the hiccups ceased. Her breath shuddered out of her. "Daddy, it hurts so badly. My heart...it hurts."  
Jim Beckett held her close, letting her cry herself to sleep. He knew it was too soon for any words to ease her pain. In times like these, a shoulder to cry on really was the best medicine. That much he'd learned from Johanna.


	2. I Love You

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, nor do I have any ties to the actors that portray those characters even though I've shared the same air space as Stana Katic, Andrew W. Marlowe, and Kate Sargeant. Alas, I have no rights to them either. I hope you enjoy my musings and that you forgive me my untimely updates. Always, ElizaCat (aka LiseCate, aka Eliza)

Chapter 2: I Love You.

Castle entered the loft and went directly into his study, locking the door. He was in no mood to speak with anyone, not even Alexis. He poured a generous amount of Scotch into a tumbler and sat down to watch the home video Alexis had captured over two summers ago. They'd gone to the Hamptons for the Fourth of July. He watched as Beckett's laughter filled the room. She was in the pool with Alexis and they were chatting like schoolgirls...almost. Alexis was a young woman about to head into her second year at Columbia and Kate was far too sophisticated and sensual to be a school girl.  
The scene changed onscreen. It was dusk now. He and Beckett were on the beach. Where had Alexis been that they'd not noticed her? It still baffled him. They'd walked along the shoreline, laughing and teasing and kissing. There'd been a lot of kissing that summer, he reflected with a smile. He'd asked her to consider moving in with him...had given her until December to decide. He wanted them to be together at Christmas. He wanted her there on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. He wanted her in his bed so that at dawn when the sun rose and no one else had risen he could awaken her with kisses and a proposal. He was certain that she was ready, ready to hear the words, to see and accept his proposal and his ring. And there it was. Captured forever on film. The fireworks lighting up the sky overhead. He'd picked Kate up and spun her around. Her legs were bent and her skirt billowed out around her as they twirled. In between a round of fireworks, there it was, her voice filled with laughter, her face radiant with joy. "I love you. I love you, Castle." He paused the screen. How amazing was it that Kate Beckett had finally, officially declared her love for him, her annoyingly plucky sidekick and those words were recorded. The first time he'd viewed this home movie and watched this life changing scene unfold he vowed to keep it for their engagement party. He didn't dare show Kate beforehand. She had a way of sneaking pieces of his clothing. The video, her words recorded until the end of time, they would never again see the light of day if she found it.  
He un-paused the video, watched as her eyes grew wide with surprise. He grinned, his heart almost bursting with happiness and love for her. For them. He'd known, all these months he'd known. Waited patiently for her to be ready to voice those three words. It seems her heart was ready before her mind. He chuckled as she blushed and ducked her head, letting her hair fall forward as she buried her face in the crook of his shoulder. "I love you too, my darling, Katherine Beckett. With all my heart."


	3. We Are Family

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, nor do I have any ties to the actors that portray those characters even though I've shared the same air space as Stana Katic, Andrew W. Marlowe, and Kate Sargeant. Alas, I have no rights to them either. I hope you enjoy my musings and that you forgive me my untimely updates. Always, ElizaCat (aka LiseCate, aka Eliza)

Chapter 3: We Are Family

****THREE WEEKS LATER****  
Castle slid into the backseat of the luxury town car thankful he'd planned ahead for the car service. A treacherous snowstorm was making its way up the Eastern seaboard and Manhattan was currently its playground. The worst of the storm was expected to hit overnight.  
He'd barely secured his seatbelt when his phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID his heart thudded and then skipped a beat.  
"Is she okay?" He demanded.  
Detective Kevin Ryan cringed. He knew when he placed the call Castle would assume the worst. Too much time had passed since they'd all spoken. "Beckett is fine, Castle. She's okay." He paused, giving the other man time to catch his breath, calm his nerves.  
Castle expelled a shuddering breath and drew his hand across his face. He needed a minute to compose himself. "Is everyone else...?"  
Ryan quickly responded, "We're all okay, bro. I'm sorry I startled you, Castle. I, uh, we wanted to make sure you knew Beckett's being discharged in two days. The doctors are happy with her progress. No permanent damage. Um, Jenny and Beckett's dad are going to help her settle in for a bit. Lanie's going to, as well, when she can. Javi, Lanie, and I thought you should know."  
Castle sighed. "Thanks, Kevin. I appreciate the call. Dr. Carter has kept me informed of her progress. It was one of my stipulations when I convinced him to take over Ka... Kate's case. He also told me she refused my offer to arrange for a private duty nurse. I'm grateful she has all of you to help her."  
"Castle, I don't know if we've properly thanked you...for everything. I don't know if we'd still have Beckett if you hadn't hired the team of doctors you did. We miss you..."  
Castle ducked his head. He missed them too. They were his family. It wasn't about picking sides he knew, but they were Beckett's first. And so, he'd bowed out gracefully. Dammit, though, sometimes family was all you had and he wanted his back. "I'm at the Old Haunt most Thursdays, some Saturdays as well. You & Espo should stop in. My treat. We'll catch up...Bring the ladies too, okay? Oh, Kev, I gotta go. My other line."  
"Right. Okay. I'll talk to Javi. We'll see you soon."

"Richard Castle! Where have you been?"  
Castle chuckled. Amusement tinged his voice as he replied, "Why, Dr. Lanie Parish! Fortunately, for me, I haven't had the unfortunate displeasure of ending up on a slab in your morgue."  
Lanie laughed. "I've missed you, Writer Boy. When might I see your devilishly handsome self?"  
"Seeing as I just hung up from Kevin, I'd wager on sooner rather than later. I invited everyone for an evening out at the Old Haunt. My treat?"  
"Dang! That boy sure doesn't waste any time. He told you about Kate? She's going home. Honey, I don't mean to pry...this time anyway, but that girl misses you. I know things are different between you now, but I thought you should know. In case you miss her too." The words tumbled out before she could stop them. Not that she would have.  
Castle closed his eyes against the onslaught of emotions. Of course, he missed Kate. It would be impossible not to. "Lanie, I uh...I miss you all. I hope you'll come out to the bar with the guys. Lanie? Thank you for always being there for Kate and for me too." He sighed. "I'll always, always love her, Lanie."  
Tears streamed down her face as she whispered, "I know, honey. I know."  
Their call ended just as Castle arrived back at his loft and Beckett returned to her room following another physical therapy session.

Lanie watched as her best friend entered the hospital room, her gait steady yet cautious. She was so damn thankful to have her best friend back. She tried discreetly to wipe away her tears as she asked, "Hey, honey. How was your PT session?"  
Kate settled into her bed. The need to relax her legs overwhelming. She'd never admit how exhausting these sessions were. Her friends were already walking on eggshells around her. "Good. I think I'll be back to my old routine in no time." She smiled at her friend. "Lane, are you okay? Something happen with you and Espo?"  
Lanie shook her head. "No, sweetie. We're just fine. I was just thinking about old times."  
Kate nodded, turned her gaze toward the window. Old times. Yeah. Code for Richard Castle. Yeah. She'd thought a lot about old times too these past few weeks. She closed her eyes, her thoughts on that day at the beach. Fourth of July. She'd said it. She hadn't planned to. The words...they just burst forth. Happy. She'd never been so happy in her life. That was then. "Old times...sometimes they're best left forgotten. Time to look forward."

Castle entered the loft greeted by his mother. "Richard, darling. You're just in time. Dinner's almost ready and Alexis is on her way." Martha paused to sample the pasta sauce.  
"Smells delicious. I'm going to go change," he called over his shoulder as he headed for his room.  
"Richard?" Martha waited. Catching his gaze she continued, "I left Beckett's key on your desk. I filled her fridge and cabinets with groceries like you asked. Oh, and the cleaning company you hired came in and freshened up the place today as well. I left a note and some flowers throughout her apartment. The place needed a few extra touches." She smiled comfortingly. She knew how much this had cost him.  
"Thank you, Mother." He crossed the room and hugged her. "Just...thank you."  
Castle headed off to change. He stopped to collect the key. Then, briefly glanced at the itinerary Natalia, his fiancée had left him. She was currently in flight on her way to San Francisco from Chicago. He rattled off a quick text. "Snowstorm heading in. Alexis and Mother are home. Safe travels to you. Talk soon. Love, R."  
He returned to the kitchen dressed in sweats and a long-sleeve shirt. Just then Alexis entered the loft. She greeted him with a hug. He held onto her just a little longer, kissing the top of her head. "Oh, I'm so glad you're home! Movie marathon? Laser tag? Ice cream sundaes?"  
"Dad! I'm so glad to be home. The campus is already shut down. Everyone's preparing for the worst. I'd settle for movies and ice cream." She laughed as she slipped from his embrace.  
"Grams!" She hugged Martha as she sniffed the air. "Something smells great. I'm starving!"

They chatted animatedly over dinner. Martha and Alexis both inquired after Natalia. They liked her, thought highly of her. She just...she wasn't...Kate. And Richard, he wasn't the same without her. They respected him for trying to move on. For everything he'd done for Kate before and after his decision to walk away. They'd watched as he'd nearly given up his own life when the doctors told him Kate's chances of a full recovery were bleak. If it hadn't been for his love for Alexis, Martha suspects he would have died of a broken heart. The irony. Her beloved son and she an actress. She, however, preferred tragic love stories be left for the stage.


	4. Dearest Katherine

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, nor do I have any ties to the actors that portray those characters even though I've shared the same air space as Stana Katic, Andrew W. Marlowe, and Kate Sargean. Alas, I have no rights to them either. I hope you enjoy my musings and that you forgive me my untimely updates. **Always,** ElizaCat (aka LiseCate, aka Eliza)

**Chapter 4: Dearest Katherine**

Jim watched his daughter carefully as the elevator carried them to her apartment. He'd yet to tell her what the Castles had done, was remiss to upset her as she visibly struggled with the demands of her therapy sessions and the news of Rick's engagement. Though she put on a brave face, her detective persona, he knew his daughter. He knew there were nights she still cried herself to sleep. Nights she wished she'd never awakened from the coma. He knew because he'd been there…_after Johanna_. _He_ couldn't _forget_…because Johanna was his one and done. Instead, he drank his sorrows away. He didn't want that for Katie. She deserved happiness. She'd been without it for too damn long. He watched her as she unlocked her door, entering her home. Luckily, he'd kept a few paces behind as she stopped suddenly in her foyer.

The smell was what she noticed as soon as the door swung open. Her apartment had been recently cleaned and not with her usual supplies. Not to mention the smell of fresh flowers. Lots of different floral fragrances assailed her senses. And what was **that**?! _Martha's_ perfume! Turning, she leveled a stare at her father. "Dad...?"

"Katie, can we please step inside before the inquisition begins?" She smirked and walked into her apartment, headed for the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Another large bouquet adorned the countertop. She plucked two glasses from the cabinet and turned back to her father. "_Well_?" She was waiting for him to respond when she saw it. Right there on the countertop next to the flowers. A closer look revealed a letter addressed to, 'Katherine'. She touched the letter hesitantly, her fingers tracing the large, looping script she recognized. **_Martha._** She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. For a moment, she'd thought it might be from **_him_**. Picking up the glass and the letter she made her way to the sofa.

Jim afforded her the privacy she needed. He carried her overnight bag to her room and returned to the kitchen to prepare lunch.

Kate settled on the sofa, stretching out her legs. She still tired far too easily for her liking. It frustrated her immensely. She wanted her life back. She wanted to be at the precinct. At least, there she could focus on something other than herself. Turning the letter over in her hands, she closed her eyes summoning the strength to open it. A letter from the woman she'd come to adore.

"Dearest Katherine,

You're frowning! And…_now_, you're purposefully focusing on smoothing your brow. Trust me, dear, I _know_ you! A little housekeeping and groceries to make your homecoming a little more pleasant is no cause for a frown!

_Yes_, Richard and I spoke with your father about our plans. We and Alexis wanted to do something for you. I hope the flowers will remind you of the beauty that _is_ your life! You, darling, are truly blessed. I can't begin to tell you, again, how thankful I am to have you back. **WE** all _are_ thankful.

You've blessed my life in so many ways. You will _always_ be a daughter to me, Katherine Beckett. I'll be by to visit you soon.

Rest, relax, and be kind to your father. All of this, **all **of this was done for you with love.

With love and blessings,

Martha, Richard, and Alexis"

Kate folded Martha's letter, carefully tucking it into her pocket. "Dad, there's something I need to do. I won't be too long. Save lunch for me?" She slid her coat on and tossed him a smile as she fixed her collar. "Don't worry. I've got my phone," she teased as she wiggled it at him.

Jim Beckett gave her a small smile in return. Of course, he'd worry until she was back safe at home. "I'll save your lunch. Mind letting me in on where you're going?" The door closed on his question. That was her reply. Louder than any spoken words.

Castle was busy packing. He'd procrastinated for far too long. Now he was stuck doing a task he loathed. His flight was scheduled to depart the following morning at 8:00am and so he could no longer delay the inevitable. Gina and Black Pawn Publications had given him as much time as possible. He'd been overwhelmed by Gina's kindness regarding Beckett's medical condition. He'd been unable to write without his Muse. Thus, her alter ego, Nikki Heat, had gone undercover and the stories had stopped. His latest novel had taken nearly two years to write and the publishing company was determined that he do a book tour. He'd stalled for as long as possible, fearing the questions the fans would have about him and Kate. The incessant questions they'd have about her health. The disdain they'd express over his latest relationship. _Of course_, **Fate** had an odd sense of humor. Kate was now awake, back among the living. Yet, without him. He'd neither seen nor spoken with her since the day she told him good-bye. He knew she'd healed remarkably, his extraordinary Kate Beckett.

He was closing his luggage when the buzzer sounded. Having ordered Chinese as his consolation prize, he grabbed some cash for the delivery guy. His mind elsewhere as he opened the door, Castle was completely unprepared for the onslaught. Surprise mixed with an ounce of fear ghosted across his face as he felt the whoosh of air coming toward him, the sudden impact nearly toppling him. Instinctively, his arms embraced the body that flung itself into his own. Her laughter danced its way through the loft, skipping a pattern across his heart.


	5. Bittersweet Memories

**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I still do not own Castle or its cast. Alas, life goes on... **:)**

**AN:** Thank you ever so much for all the follows, favorites and reviews. You make this all worthwhile. I hope my story touches you in some small way. I'm proud to be part of such an amazing fandom. Thank you, again, for taking the time out of your day to read my musings. From the bottom of my heart,**_ thank you_**. Always, LiseCate

**Chapter 5: ** **Bittersweet Memories**

"Natalia! What are you doing _here_?!" Castle exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around his neck. They'd coordinated their itineraries so that his book tour began in San Francisco mere days after her arrival there. She wasn't supposed to be in New York, let alone his loft apartment.

She grinned and replied, "I thought I'd surprise you and fly out to California with you. I know how much this tour means and I know you've anguished over it. I just felt that I should be there _with you_…that I _need_ to be there to hold your hand or simply send a comforting smile your way."

Castle's smile lit up his face. He ducked his head, capturing her mouth with his own. When he pulled back releasing her, he pressed a kiss to the tender spot just below her earlobe and whispered, "Thank you."

They were interrupted by the buzzer. This time, however, it **was** his Chinese delivery. Closing the door, Castle carried the bag to his kitchen and placed it on the countertop. Natalia pulled two glasses from the cabinet and a bottle of chilled wine from the fridge. Sitting side by side at the counter they dug into their dinner, chatting animatedly as their legs tangled with one another. After several bites, Natalia leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I missed you," she sighed.

Castle took her hand in his, lifted her open palm to his mouth and kissed its center. "And I, you."

Turning back to her meal, Natalia raised her glass to her lips. Quietly, her words laced with concern, she asked, "Any news on Kate?"

Castle nodded. "The doctors released her today. They confirmed she suffered no memory or sensory loss. She has full range of motion. Her progress was phenomenal. After speaking with her father on Sunday, I hired a cleaning company for her apartment and Mother went to the grocers. We just wanted her homecoming to be as stress free as possible…." His words trailed off.

Natalia slid her hand into his, giving it a comforting squeeze. Leaning over, she kissed his cheek. "You're a good man, Richard Castle."

Kate entered the side door of an old theatre in Greenwich Village. Slipping into the shadows, she made her way into the audience and watched the scene play out on stage. In the front row, Martha sat watching her students perform their latest act. The students were obviously running lines during a dress rehearsal. Kate smiled, recalling a time when she had run lines with Martha. She'd given Castle the ultimate birthday present that year, pulling off a "Rear Window" themed-birthday gift. She chuckled just thinking about him in a cast, hobbling across the street on crutches because he thought she was in danger. Closing her eyes, she pictured the look on his face when he saw her, clearly unharmed, standing amongst his family and friends below the sign that read, "Happy Birthday, Castle." For a moment, she'd feared he was angry with her. **He so wasn't!** Smiling, she settled deeper in her seat as she recalled the soft words spoken later that night while they'd cuddled in bed. The tender kisses they'd shared. Lost in thought, she missed the final scene of Martha's play. The stage was empty as she stood, ready to slip out into the shadows.

"Katherine Beckett! Don't you _dare_ think you're getting out of here that easily," Martha admonished. From her distance, Kate wasn't sure Martha could see her face clearly. Still, she schooled her features, refrained from wincing. Damn. Damn. _Damn._ She wasn't ready for this!

Stepping out into the aisle, Kate made her way down to the stage. As soon as she reached the front row, her face broke into a brilliant smile. This. _This_ **was** what she'd come here for! Martha wasted no time, pulling her into a tight hug, her smile matching Kate's own. Kate clung to Martha, allowing them both time to mourn the past two years and rejoice in the present.

"Beautiful as ever!" Martha exclaimed as she released Kate from her embrace, her hands still clasping Kate's as she gave the young woman the once over. "Oh, darling! It is _so_ good to see you! Come, let's have a chat."

Kate chuckled as Martha led her into her office. Their hands still clasped, she pulled Martha into her side for another hug. "I'm so happy to see you. Tell me, how are you? How's Alexis?" Now that they were together, she wanted to know everything. All her questions she came tumbling out.

They sat, catching up for over an hour. Darkness had fallen by the time they realized how late it was. Glancing at her watch, Martha suggested, "Why don't you come back to the loft with me? Richard would love to see you and I can phone Alexis on the way. She was at the hospital almost daily until her internship began. I know she'd love to see you."

Kate winced visibly. No one had mentioned the frequency with which Alexis had visited the hospital. Visited **her**. Despite everything with Castle –their past, his present- she wanted to see Alexis. Needed to thank her, to tell her how very much she loved her. Her almost daughter. Resolved, she nodded. Taking Martha's hand in her own, she replied confidently, "Okay."


	6. Two Worlds Collided

**Disclaimer:** Again, I do not own Castle. Just the DVDs and the Calendar.

**AN:** Thank you, as ever, for such lovely reviews. I apologize for not replying directly. In lieu of replies, I'm trying to update as quickly as possible. I respect and admire the character that is Kate Beckett; therefore, I don't intentionally plan to hurt her. That being said, it would be _too easy_ to make Natalia out to be a vicious, ruthless and adulterous character. She will not be any of those things. I received some great advice from a dear friend (thank you, Katie! katieupatree). To like Natalia, she deserved a back story. I needed to model her after a person or character I liked. I won't tell you what the outcome of that conversation was…let me know if you figure it out.

**Chapter 6: Two Worlds Collided**

**"Don't ask me what you know is true**

**Don't have to tell you, I love your precious heart**

**I, I was standing, you were there**

**Two worlds collided and they could**

**Never tear us apart**

**We could live for a thousand years**

**But if I hurt you, I'd make wine from your tears**

**I told you that we could fly, 'cause we all have wings but**

**Some of us don't know why**

**I was standing, you were there**

**Two worlds collided and they could**

**Never ever tear us apart**

**I (Don't ask me), I was standing (What you know is true),**

**You were there (Worlds collided)**

**Two worlds collided (We're shining through) and they**

**Could never tear us apart**

**You (Don't ask me), you were standing**

**(What you know is true), I was there (Worlds collided)**

**Two worlds collided (We're shining through) and they**

**Could never tear us apart**

**I, I was standing, you were there, two worlds collided**

**-INXS "Never Tear Us Apart"**

Hearing the sound of her Mentor's footfalls against the concrete floor, Alexis glanced over her shoulder. "Hey, Lanie?" She smiled as her friend lifted her gaze from the file she was reading. "Grams just phoned. She's acting kind of strange…even for her. Do you mind if I head out? Dad's book tour begins tomorrow and I was supposed to drop by anyway."

Lanie laughed, quite familiar with Martha's melodramatic antics. "Sweetie, of course not! Go. Give that handsome father of yours a hug from me. I'll see you on Friday." She gave Alexis a quick hug as the girl hurried out. As Alexis rushed down the hall toward the exit, Lanie called, "Tell Castle he still owes me that drink!"

"Okay!"

Arriving at Castle's apartment building, Kate tilted her head back, her gaze drawn to the windows of his home. He was up there, blissfully unaware she was standing outside his building. She smiled ruefully as she imagined him holed up in his study devouring that ridiculous book about Bigfoot. Or perhaps, it was a book on Aliens tonight? Heart thudding in her chest, fists clenched at her sides, she turned to the older woman. "I don't think this is a good idea…." Her voice, barely a whisper, trailed off.

Linking their arms, Martha protested. "Nonsense, darling. Trust me, Richard will be thrilled. Alexis, too. Come, stay. We'll have some wine. Maybe dinner?"

Seeing the flare of hope in Martha's eyes, Kate relented. Head bowed, her long auburn hair framing her face, shielding her from view, she sighed, "I'll stay…if only for a little while."

Entering the loft apartment, Martha trilled, "Richard! You'll never guess who I ran into tonight. Come, be social!" Taking off her coat, she hung it in the closet. Turning, she reached to do the same with Kate's.

Richard exited his study, followed by a woman Kate did not recognize. She could only stare as she took in the woman's features, her casual yet elegant gait, long dark hair, brilliant blue eyes, and a broad smile that lit up her face as she laughed at something Castle must have said before they'd walked out of his study. Kate schooled her features, slipping into her detective persona. Reserved, aloof, painstakingly polite. She felt Martha's hand on her forearm, an apology and comfort in her touch. Kate nodded, imperceptibly. She couldn't fault Martha for this moment. She'd consciously chosen to step into his world.

It felt like forever before his eyes met hers. Time stood still when they did. In his gaze, she read his apology, his sorrow, his pain, his love. _His love_? For her, or was it for Natalia? Kate wasn't sure…was afraid of the answer.

In hers, he read sorrow, pain, _gut-wrenching _pain, an apology, and fear. _Fear? _ Why was she afraid? He needed to know.

Putting on her best smile, she tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear. _Casual, be casual. You've got this. You've stared down the barrel of a gun, fended off a hungry tiger, and confronted the man responsible for your Mother's murder. You survived a gunshot wound to the chest and a coma…and you're still here!_ "Hey, Castle." Her words relaxed and lilting. She forced one foot in front of the other, carrying her further into the loft. They met in the living room. She looked over Castle's shoulder, offering a smile to the woman Castle now loved. Kate extended a hand, introducing herself, "You must be Natalia. It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Kate Beckett."

Natalia accepted Kate's hand, her smile welcoming. "It's truly an honor to meet you. Richard told me you were finally being released from the hospital. I'm so glad you're doing well."

"Thank you."

Castle and Martha watched the exchange between the two women. Martha glanced pointedly at her son. For a man who made his living as a result of his profound love of words, he'd clearly forgotten his profession. Not so discreetly, she elbowed him in the ribs.

Wincing, Castle ran trembling fingers through his hair. Kate _and Natalia_ in the same room. _With him_. He'd never planned for that. That wasn't what disturbed him though. What did, however, was this overwhelming need to protect Beckett. To protect her heart. From him. Yet, stronger than that, was the need to touch her. Feel her, alive. Alive and in his arms. But he loved Natalia. Anguished, he turned his attention to Kate. He recognized that look. She was looking for clues, making her own deductions about him. About Natalia. About him and Natalia and this bizarre situation. He recalled the numerous times he'd stood beside her at the murder board or at a crime scene, watching as her mind sifted, filed and categorized pieces of information. Details even he had failed to identify. He smiled at her, his blue eyes crinkling in delight at the memory. On an exhale, he greeted her, "Beckett." That one word. A caress. His eyes drifted over her from head to toe and in that moment he witnessed her responsive shiver.

Natalia recognized the magnitude of the emotions at play. She'd been with Richard long enough to understand the importance of Kate Beckett. She respected him for it, for everything he'd done to keep her alive. Respected him enough to know that he needed this time with her. She slipped quietly from the living room. Stopping in the kitchen she grabbed her coat off the back of the chair and slid it on. Lifting her hair from the collar, she made her way back to the living room to stand beside Rick. Natalia placed a hand to his shoulder, smiling at both him and Kate. "I'm going to head out. I think you three need some time to catch up. It was lovely meeting you, Kate and I hope I'll see you again soon." Placing a chaste kiss to his cheek, she told him, "I'll see you tomorrow morning. Call me later?"

Richard nodded. Turning to Kate, he said, "Excuse me for a moment." He walked Natalia to the door, hugging her briefly. "Goodnight, Natalia. _Thank you_."

Kate's phone chimed a ringtone, startling her. Glancing at the caller id, she saw that it was her father checking up on her. She made her way over to the windows facing the apartment she'd rented for Castle's "Rear Window" birthday gift a few years ago. "Hey, Dad."

"Hey, Dad?! Katie, it's been hours! Are you alright?" Clearly, he was worried.

Cringing at his tone, Kate was ashamed. The past few years had been hell for her father. The very least she could do was check in with him, even if by text. Her voice lowered, she apologized, "Dad, I'm so sorry. I'm safe. I promise. I'm at Castle's…I'll explain later. I'll be home soon. Promise."

Slightly pacified, yet worried for his daughter's well-being, he replied, "I'm glad you're safe. See you **soon**."

Kate ended the call, promising to be home as soon as possible. Running a hand through her hair, she turned back to Castle and Martha, prepared to tell them she had to go. The door opened and this time a young redhead barreled through the door. Kate smiled, recalling how Alexis always seemed to be in a rush. Some things never changed.

Alexis caught sight of Kate standing in front of the windows that faced the apartment across the way. The light illuminated Kate from behind, creating an ethereal glow. Alexis gasped, then squealed as she ran toward the woman she feared she would never see again. Embracing her, Alexis gushed, "Beckett! You're here! Oh my God, I'm so thrilled to see you. I've seriously missed you." The words rushed out of her all in one breath.

Kate sucked in a breath at the force of the hug. Still, she returned the hug, squeezing tight. The tears came freely for both of them. Kate ran a comforting hand through Alexis's hair. "I've missed you too, sweetheart." Allowing the young girl some time to accept that she really was here and was truly okay, Kate simply held onto her. Slowly easing out of the embrace, she looked at Alexis and smiled. "You're so lovely. Look at you, Alexis! I'm so happy to see you."

Alexis blushed at the compliment. She adored this woman, loved her more than she'd ever thought possible. This woman was her friend and her mother in every sense of the word. Taking Kate's hand, she led her over to the sofa.

Kate sat between Martha and Alexis. And just like that, she was home. Caught up in girl talk, the conversation flowed freely. Alexis informed Kate that she was back at the morgue working with Lanie.

Smiling, Alexis explained, "I decided that of all the things I've ever done…Working at the morgue was the most rewarding. I love working with Lanie and everyone at the 12th Precinct. I don't know if I'll end up working as a medical examiner, but for now, it's what I want to do." Turning away, suddenly shy, she said, "I hope you don't mind that I'm going to be there when you get back. I asked Lanie to let me be the one to tell you."

Placing a hand on the girl's arm, Kate waited until Alexis met her gaze. "I'm honored to have the opportunity to work with you. I'm proud of you, no matter what you decide to do." Squeezing her hand, Kate continued, "I love you, Alexis."

Martha watched the two women, discreetly wiping away her tears. She was so proud of both of these women. She turned her attention to her son. He'd watched their interactions from the sidelines. Realizing that he needed a moment alone with Kate, Martha yawned.

Kate glanced at her watch. Seeing the time, she said apologetically, "I really should get going. I told my dad I wouldn't be long and yet I'm hours late." She stood, preparing to leave. She hugged Martha tightly, whispered in her ear, "Thank you for everything, Martha. I love you, too."

Kate did the same with Alexis before turning to Castle. They stood awkwardly facing one another. Castle spoke first, "Let me see you home. Please?"

Biting her lip, Kate nodded. "Okay, Castle." They walked side by side to the door. Castle pulled their coats from the closet and helped Kate into hers before putting his on. Calling over his shoulder to his mother and daughter, he stated simply, "I'll be home soon."

Sitting in the car next to him, Kate relaxed. Maybe it was due to the darkness that engulfed them. Turning her phone over and over in her hands, she admitted, "She's nice. Natalia. I'm glad. You deserve to be happy, Castle."

Keeping his eyes on the road, Castle responded, his voice raw. "So do you, Kate."

Taking a deep breath, Kate asked, "How did you meet?" Admittedly, she was curious. Natalia was not like the women Castle had dated before her. Clearly, Natalia was smart, kind, and considerate. Possibly, a bit of a free spirit….

Castle wasn't sure how to answer. This. _This_ was _not_ normal. Not even by his standards. Drawing a breath, he replied, "We met through Gina. She wasn't trying to set me up with her. She thought I could use someone to talk to. Natalia lost her husband to cancer. Gina thought she might help me with the…with the um, grieving process. I didn't mean for it to happen. I swear. I just needed someone to talk to. Someone that could possibly understand." His voice broke, "I'm so sorry, Kate. I'm so sorry." Pulling the car up to the curb, outside Kate's apartment, he stepped out of the car. Castle walked around to the other side, opening the door for her. They stood mere inches apart. Face to face. Their breaths mingled in the night air. He reached out a trembling hand, touching the curve of her cheek, her temple, until he slid his hand into her hair. He pulled her into his arms, holding her for the first time in over 2 years. Closing his eyes, he held onto her, inhaling the familiar smell that was Kate. Cherries. He smelled cherries and recalled the first time he'd smelled her hair back at the precinct.

Kate pulled away first. She smiled sorrowfully at him. Touching a finger to his mouth, she traced his lips, coaxing a smile from him. The tears shown in both their eyes, streaming down their faces. Leaning forward, she pressed a tender kiss just a hairs-breath from his lips. "Goodnight, Castle." Before he had time to react, she turned and slipped away into her apartment building.


	7. Stolen Heat

**Disclaimer:** Castle still does not belong to me.

**AN:** Thank you all for the lovely reviews. I listened to the song, "Stolen" by Dashboard Confessionals a lot while writing this…it inspired the title of the chapter. I hope you enjoy reading it. Alas, it's getting more and more difficult to keep our beloved Caskett apart. Always. E.

** Chapter 7: Stolen Heat**

The hours, days, and weeks passed without any further interaction between Castle and Beckett. She knew he was on tour promoting the latest Nikki Heat novel. The night he'd dropped her at her apartment she'd found another letter, this time on her dresser. It was tucked inside a copy of **Stolen** **Heat**, the book he'd written, without her. She'd stood there fingering its crisp pages. Pages of words, his words, she'd not had the luxury of reading late at night curled up in his bed while he worked on the manuscript. The letter served as a convenient place-marker for the dedication page. So like Castle to force her hand. Always tempting her to read his beautiful words.

Placing the letter on her nightstand, Kate then pulled back the covers and slipped into her bed. She opened the book, her eyes skimming over the summary on the interior of the book jacket. Turning to the last page, the back flap, she saw his updated photograph. His face had thinned. There were new lines around his mouth and eyes. His eyes. His magnificent blue eyes were shrouded in sadness. She was the cause of his sorrow, his pain. No! No, No, No. This was not her fault. She'd made a deal with the Senator. He'd come after her anyway. All because he feared that she stood in the way of his plans for the Presidency. Thus, she became the target. It was because of him she'd almost died. Because of him, she'd lost the only man she'd ever loved. Her fingers stroked Castle's face as the tears threatened to fall. Steeling herself, she caught her bottom lip between her teeth, and turned to the dedication page.

**For Kate, who showed me how much sweeter life could be when you opened your heart and trusted someone else to keep watch over it. I miss you. Always, Castle**

Closing the page, she reached for his letter and set the book in its place. Her fingers traced over her name on the envelope. His handwriting really was so much neater than hers. Having read the dedication, she reasoned, why stop there. Far less painful to simply rip off the Band-Aid. Sliding her finger under the seal, she opened the envelope.

Kate,

That day in the ambulance I never expected any of this to happen.

From the first day we met, you filled that space within me that was

lost and lonely. You were vibrant, strong, and just a tad bit frightening.

No, I'm not exaggerating! You reminded me what it felt like to be alive.

Watching you hooked up to those machines had the exact opposite effect.

I wanted to wither away, to cease to exist. Because without you, I was lost

and alone again. The **_magic_** was gone. **_You_** were gone. **_We_** were gone.

My God, Kate! I never pictured this as our future. Everything, **_every_** thing

has changed. I am so terribly sorry for hurting you. For disappointing you.

I could begin by saying I'd undo the past if it were possible, but I know you

better than that. You'd respect me even less. The choices we make **_shape_**

who we are. You taught me that.

It's because of you that I want to be a better person. To **_do_** better. It isn't easy

to do the right thing. And sometimes, I'm not even sure what the right thing is,

Kate. Especially, when it comes to matters of the heart.

That being said, there will always be a piece of my heart that belongs to **_you_**.

-Rick

The letter was hidden away now. The book worn from repeated readings. Her time with Castle a sad yet beautiful memory.

The weeks, they'd passed. Kate was back at the precinct. Yet she wasn't in the field, allowing her body time to recover completely. Not to mention, she'd have to re-qualify before she could even consider taking down suspects. Then, there was Gates. She insisted Beckett needed a new partner. Kate had yet to find someone she could trust to have her back. Perhaps, she was just being a pain in the ass. Finding fault in the simplest of things. _She just didn't care._ Before Castle, she'd been on her own and she'd been fine.

What she needed though, more than a partner, was a night out. Pulling on her coat, she grabbed her keys and phone and headed for the elevator. She phoned Lanie on her way home to see if she was free. They agreed to meet at a club downtown. Lanie wanted to dance. Kate just wanted to lose herself in the music.

Taking extra care with her hair and make-up, Kate dressed in a shimmering eggplant dress. The dress was stunning with a deep slouching back, three-quarter length sleeves, and a skirt that fell mid-thigh. She paired it with her favorite black satin heels. Her eyes were smoky, lined to perfection, her lips lightly glossed. Her hair now falling to her waist was tousled just so. Bedroom eyes and bedroom hair is what Lanie called it when they met outside the club.

As she took off her coat, handing it in at the coat check, Lanie gave her a wolf whistle, exclaiming, "Damn, girl! You're trying to show me up tonight."

Kate laughed. Lanie, of course, was stunning in a deep blue dress with a beautiful emerald and eggplant patterned skirt. The colors reminding Kate of a peacock's feathers. "No, sweetie, I'm just trying to keep up with you."

Laughing, they made their way to the bar. The bartender, a twenty-something, with shoulder-length dark hair and dark chocolate eyes, blatantly eyed Kate from head to toe. Amused, Kate returned the gesture. She'd always been a fan of innocent flirtation. And clearly, this wasn't going anywhere. The three chatted as Lanie and Kate sipped their drinks. Braden was an artist, a painter. He was fun and surprisingly sweet. Smiling apologetically, he stepped away to take care of some other patrons.

Ready to hit the dance floor, Lanie grabbed Kate's hand. Out on the floor, they danced and laughed. The music transporting them to a place that made them feel alive and carefree. Giddy.

Lanie teased, "You've got a fan. That poor boy can't keep his eyes off you." Laughing, she snickered, "Why, Kate Beckett, you're officially a cougar!"

"You, my friend, are just jealous," Kate smirked as she resumed dancing. Arms raised above her head, her body moving to the beat of the music, she did a slow turn on the floor. Sure enough, her eyes met Braden's across the room. His gaze was electric. For the first time since she'd come out of the coma, she felt a glimmer of hope. Perhaps, there really was life after love. At least, that's what she told herself when she accepted his number.

She and Lanie shared a cab ride home that night. Oddly enough, Lanie didn't give her a hard time about getting the phone number. Kate suspected she was distracted by the fact that Esposito was waiting at home. Silently, she thanked the gods for small favors. Kate hugged her friend, thanking her for a wonderfully fun evening, before sliding out of the cab. The door hadn't fully closed behind her as Lanie squealed gleefully, "Goodnight, cougar! I love you."

Obviously, she'd praised the gods prematurely. Laughing, she replied, "Love you, too! Night, Lanie."

**Page Six** had a field day with Kate's girls' night out. The headline read, "Heat Sizzles at Local Nightclub." The article included two full color photos. One of Kate on the dance floor and the other captured both women as they chatted at the bar. An excerpt from the article identified her, proclaiming, "Detective Kate Beckett proved to New Yorkers last night exactly why her alter ego's last name is 'Heat'. Accompanied by her BFF, Dr. Lanie Parish, the notorious KB sizzled in a flattering Michael Kors creation. Detective Beckett is the former girlfriend/Muse of Mystery Novelist, Richard Castle."


	8. Clarity

**Disclaimer:**** Castle, still not mine.**

**AN:**** Thank you again for the lovely reviews. I'm sorry for the delayed updates. This chapter was by far the toughest to write. The emotions of the final 3 Season 5 episodes are adding to the angst. For those of you having issues with this story, I can only imagine the roller coaster ride of emotions this type of situation would elicit. "You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel." -Johnny Depp **

**Always, Eliza xx.**

**Chapter 8: Clarity**

**High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life**

**Fight fear for the selfish pain it was worth it every time**

**Hold still right before we crash, 'cause we both know how this ends**

**A clock ticks till it breaks your glass and I drown in you again**

**Cause you are the piece of me, I wish I didn't need **

**Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why**

**If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?**

**If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?**

**If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?**

**If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?**

**Walk on through a red parade, and refuse to make amends**

**It cuts deep through our ground and makes us forget all common sense**

**Don't speak as I try to leave, 'cause we both know what we choose**

**If you pull, then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you**

**Cause you are the piece of me, I wish I didn't need**

**Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why**

**If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?**

**If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?**

**-"Clarity" by Zedd**

Castle leaned against the kitchen counter, a cup of coffee in his hand. Bleary-eyed and yawning, he was dressed in grey drawstring pajama bottoms and a black V-neck t-shirt. Hair tousled from sleep, he drew a hand across his face, the stubble prickling his skin. He'd arrived home later than expected the evening before due to a delayed flight out of O'Hare. He was beyond exhausted but determined to keep his brunch date with Natalia, Alexis and her boyfriend, Daniel.

Three cups of coffee later, he was fairly certain he would no longer drown in his own shower. Good thing, too! He and Natalia had plans for the rest of the day. Whistling on his way to the bathroom, he stripped off his clothes. Perhaps later, there'd be a little mutual stripping going on, he mused.

Natalia had introduced him to an intriguing game of Strip Scrabble while in California. She'd been a gracious loser and he a zealous winner he thought with a grin. Later, while sight-seeing in San Francisco, they'd gotten caught in the rain. Rather than take a cab back to their hotel, Natalia held onto his hand, leaning into him, as they ran splashing through the puddles. Back in their hotel room, they'd rid each other of their clothes, showered, and made love in front of a roaring fire. They'd awakened with barely enough time to order room service and get dressed. Castle's book signing was scheduled that evening and Natalia accompanied him to the local retailer. He'd watched proudly as she charmed the staff and his fans. Mesmerized, his eyes sought her out as he signed autographs and chatted with the readers. Natalia had a way of making everyone she encountered feel as if they were the center of attention. She listened attentively, engaging them in conversation, her hand occasionally reaching out to lightly touch an arm or shoulder. She really was quite lovely he thought, turning his attention back to young fan standing before him.

Due to the delay in releasing Stolen Heat this particular leg of the tour was scheduled for a full three weeks. Natalia had stayed with him throughout all of his scheduled appearances in California. She'd returned to New York only to meet with her editor on a children's book she was illustrating. For the past two weeks, they'd only communicated by text, phone or Face Time as he'd traveled to his remaining book signings in other cities. He was beyond grateful to finally be home. To be back with his family.

Having showered, he dressed casually in a pair of designer jeans and a long-sleeved Henley. He was pulling on his coat when the text came. "I knew she was beautiful, but I had no idea your ex could have been a supermodel! No wonder, your character was named 'Nikki Heat'." The text was from his poker buddy and fellow author, James Patterson.

Castle could have ignored the text. Probably should have. It was _Kate_. Tapping out a message, he replied, "What does that _mean_?"

Quick as lightning came his answer, "Check out today's Page Six."

Frowning, Castle headed for the door. There was no paper. He'd stopped the paper delivery while he was out of town. He checked the time. Damn, he was going to be late. And yet, he stopped at a newsstand on his way to the café. Finally. There it was in his hand. Page (fucking) Six. Kate Beckett/Nikki Heat. One and the same. He needed more coffee. Or better yet, a single malt scotch. **_3 fingers of scotch._** She looked like sex and desire all wrapped up in a shiny purple dress.

Folding the paper carefully, he tucked it under his arm. All the way to the café, he tried like hell to get the image of her out of his mind. _Stupid Patterson, it was all his fault. Cute little baby bunnies. __**Angry Birds**__…hey, I haven't downloaded that __**Star Wars**__ version yet, he mused, trying to distract himself. Oh! __**Candy Crush**__! It was time to play that again._ Walking into the café, he relaxed, smiling when he saw his family seated at a booth in the corner. The rest of the morning would be a cake walk. They'd keep his mind busy. Distract him from that…other thing. Sure of himself now, Castle leaned over and planted a kiss on Alexis' head before sliding into the booth next to Natalia. He slid his hand into hers under the table and kissed the corner of her mouth. His breath a whisper on her cheek, he greeted her, "Hello, love." Turning his attention to Alexis, he smiled broadly, "Hey, pumpkin. Good to see you, Daniel."

After a brief chat about his book tour, they turned their eyes to the menu. Castle was extolling the merits of chocolate chip and banana pancakes versus banana walnut pancakes. So, the words coming from Alexis' mouth didn't register at first. When they did, he wondered what he'd done recently that the gods deemed it necessary to torture him.

"Kate!" Alexis and Daniel were facing the door to the café. That's how she'd noticed Beckett standing at the counter, placing an order. Standing, she excused herself quickly, and made her way over to the older woman. Smiling, she placed a hand to Kate's shoulder, "Hi. Are you having breakfast here?"

Kate turned, a smile on her face. "Lex, hi!" Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, she replied, "I'm just grabbing something on the way. I'm heading out of the city for the day."

Taking Kate's hand in her own, Alexis confessed, "I'm here with dad and Natalia. If you have a moment, I'd like to introduce you to my boyfriend, Daniel…."

Bumping Alexis' shoulder with her own, she teased, "Boyfriend? Is it serious? And did your dad try to scare him with the laser gun?!"

Laughing, Alexis replied, "Yes, yes, and of course! It helps that Dan's got a goofball sense of humor as well."

Kate's eyes met Castle's as they neared the table. He looked good. Tired but good. She offered him a smile, turning her attention to his…his…fiancée. "Sorry to interrupt. Natalia, hi. Nice to see you again…." Nodding in his direction, "G'morning, Castle."

Alexis introduced her to Daniel. Kate smiled warmly and offered him her hand, "It's a pleasure to meet you." Daniel was adorable. With his stylishly shaggy blond hair and hazel eyes he was that odd mix between a prep and a musician, Kate mused.

"It's great to finally meet you, Kate! Lex has told me so much about you I feel like we've already met. And…I've read the Heat novels. I've already told Rick he didn't do you justice. No offense." He smiled, his eyes twinkling with merriment.

Kate laughed that full belly laugh Castle loved. A light blush staining her cheeks, "None taken. And thank you. He always did take liberties with his writing." She smirked at Castle.

Mildly indignant, Castle corrected, "I do not. And if anything, the proper term would be creative licensing."

Natalia chuckled. "I'm going to have to side with Daniel and Kate on this one." Meeting Kate's gaze, Nataliatold her, "You look good, Kate." Not wanting to be insensitive**, **she inquired, "Are you having breakfast here? You're more than welcome to join us…." Her voice trailed off, unsure as to whether a non-invite would have been less callous.

Kate was trying to formulate a polite excuse when her ticket order was called. Stepping away from the booth, arm raised and thumb signaled over her shoulder, she apologized, "That's me. Um, thank you, Natalia, but I can't stay. It was good seeing you. And, Daniel, it was great meeting you." Smiling, she turned to Rick. He'd been relatively quiet the entire time she observed. "See you, Castle."

Giving Alexis a quick hug, Kate strode away. Picking up her coffee and pastry bag, she exited the café.

Hearing the chiming of the door, Castle bounded into motion. Sliding out of the booth, he excused himself. "I'll be right back," he called over his shoulder.

Beckett turned west and started down the block, stopping just a couple of feet away from the café. Holding onto her coffee and the bag with one hand, she was preparing to shove her free hand into the bag for a treat when she felt someone's hand at her elbow. Without a second thought, she raised her arm defensively, prepared to get a hit in. Another hand came up to catch her wrist blocking her attack. "Relax. Kate, it's me," Castle's voice whispered against her ear, his breath caressing her cheek, lifting strands of her hair.

Whipping her body around, eyes ablaze, she glared at him. "What the _hell_ do you think you're doing, Castle?! I could have hurt you!"

Sheepishly, he smiled at her. "But you didn't." Releasing her arm, he stepped back, allowing her to look at him fully. "See? I'm in one piece."

Frowning, Kate was not amused. "Castle, **what** do you **want**?"

Remembering the earlier text and the morning paper, he went on the offensive. "You look awfully refreshed for someone who spent the previous night out at a club. Was it a double date or were you _looking_ for a date?"

Anger rolling off her in waves, Kate leveled him with a glare that was near deadly. Castle actually stumbled away from her. "You can't be serious! We are _so not_ having this conversation."

"I saw you, Kate. That dress? What were you thinking?"

Disbelief evident in her voice, Kate shoved her fingers through her hair. "_You_ were there?!"

Taking her hand, he tugged until she was walking with him, down the block to the newsstand. "No, but the photogs were, Kate. You made the news. Page Six." He opened the paper to the article, showing her the pics he'd seen earlier. "You had to have known that dress…_You in that dress_ would have caused a stir. After all, you are my…."

"Your what, Castle?! Your ex-girlfriend, ex-partner? What!" She paused, regaining her composure, "Castle, you're forgetting when we were together and we went public with our relationship, I understood the consequences. I don't have a problem with the article. I was having a night out with Lanie. Something normal people do, Castle. I'm sorry if we _embarrassed you_. Because that _better_ be the reason you're so angry. You have no right. _No right_ to be jealous, Castle." Squaring off with him, she continued, "We are _not_ going to cause a scene, Castle. I refuse to be that kind of ex-girlfriend. You. _You_ need to go. Your _fiancée_ is in that café waiting for you along with your _daughter_, Castle." She turned, ready to leave this mess behind.

Head bowed, Castle took a deep breath. _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ It wasn't supposed to be like this. _They_ weren't supposed to be like this. Anguished, he called her name, "Kate?"

Refusing to turn back, she replied quietly, "Rick, no. No more. I _can't_ do this with you."

"Kate, please. _Please._ I'm sorry. We need to talk. I don't want to lose you." He paused, waiting, watching, and hoping for a sign that she would give him a chance. None came. Leaving it all to bare, his words nearly inaudible, he told her, "Try as I may, Kate…you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need."

Her nod almost imperceptible, the words carried softly over her shoulder. A whisper in the wind. "Tomorrow. Come to my apartment tomorrow, Castle." She disappeared into the crowd before he could register the words and offer a confirmation.

Turning on his heel, Castle headed back to the café no longer hungry for pancakes.


	9. Love Is Alive ( at our breakfast table)

**Disclaimer:** I've yet to acquire enough money to own Castle.

**AN:** Thanks to everyone who continues to read and/or review. For those reviewing, I apologize for not replying. I value your opinions and appreciate you! There's a secret behind Natalia...I'm not sure if you've figured it out yet...But it's so hard for me to dislike her. I hope that you don't think she's a wallflower after reading this. She is **NOT**. **_She is just that kind-hearted._** ** (**There's a hint in there, somewhere. **:)** Also, after I had written most of the chapter, the song "Love Is Alive" by The Judds seemed fitting. That is where the title stems from. **:)** I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's been the toughest one so far. (I probably said that about the last one, but this time I mean it!) Always, Eliza

**P.S.** A special thanks, as **_always_**, to Katie ( katieupatree) for reading the pre-posted copy. Your insights and reviews are always far more eloquent than my own words. Love you! xx

**P.P.S.** Thank you, also to Julie ( enjulie) for being my own personal **Gina**. LOL I could not resist! :) I hope you enjoy this chapter -despite it's lack of Caskett lovin'. But, at least, we've surpassed one hurdle :)

**Chapter 9: Love Is Alive (and at our breakfast table)**

That seed of doubt she'd buried deep unfurled its tiny tendrils the moment she watched Rick's retreating figure as he dashed out the door after Kate. She didn't need to follow him to know what came next. To know their axis had shifted. Putting on a brave face, Natalia convinced Alexis and Daniel they should place their orders. Her stomach knotted with worry, she changed her order at the last minute. Rather than eggs sunny-side up and lingonberry crepes, she asked only for toast, fruit and hot tea.

Alexis turned to Dan, the worry and concern evident in her pale blue eyes. Over the years, she'd witnessed the ins and outs, the give and take of her dad's relationship with Kate. Watched as he'd risked his life _for_ hers, risked his life _to be with _Kate until the very end. That summer before the accident, he had asked her permission to propose to Kate. By then, she'd come to adore the beautiful detective, respect her, _love_ her, and so she'd wave him off with a laugh. His expression serious, he'd insisted that she stop, take a moment to listen to him. She had. He'd told Alexis of all the emotions, all the feelings he'd withheld from her over the years. Told her he'd never imagined love could be so powerful. So magical. So all consuming. He'd never known…_until Kate_. Knowing all of this, Alexis feared her dad had slipped into his very own rabbit hole. A rabbit hole that looked very much like Kate Beckett. Praying she was wrong, for Natalia's sake, she slid her arm across the table, giving Natalia's hand a comforting squeeze. Her words clear and confident, she said, "He just needs to say good-bye in his own way."

Natalia nodded, not trusting herself to respond. She just wanted him to choose _her_.

Alexis and Daniel did a fantastic job, carrying the conversation, regaling her with tales of Daniel's students, and inquiring about her latest project. She was sharing her latest illustration ideas with them when the food was delivered to their table. Natalia had just popped a berry into her mouth when the door to the café chimed. Her back to the door, her eyes flew to the mirror on the wall facing the entrance. _Rick_. He'd come back. Back to them. _To her_. She met his gaze across the restaurant. The relief washing over her, she beamed. Blue-green eyes bright with unshed tears, her expression open and glowing with love and happiness, she watched him cross the room to their booth. He smiled back at her, his smile not quite the same. The crinkles around his eyes, the ones she'd grown so fond of, didn't appear. Still optimistic, Natalia slid her hand into his under the table, hoping to give _him_ a bit of solace. He squeezed her hand once, then placed an order for coffee. No pancakes.

And that seed, its tendrils, they took root.

A short time later brunch came to an end. Alexis and Daniel said their good-byes as Natalia and Rick headed for his car. Rick held the door for her as she slid into the passenger seat. He was fastening his seatbelt when she asked, "Rick, where are we going?"

Lifting his eyes to hers, he smiled. His smile was meant to be reassuring she knew. It wasn't, given that what once was two had now become three. "I thought we'd agreed to go back to your place?"

"That's not what I meant. Where are _we_ _going_, Rick?" She needed to know. Needed to know that her fears were without merit.

Eyes focused on the traffic ahead he pleaded, "Talia...I can't do this right now."

"Fine. Take me home. Perhaps, you can do it there."

Arriving at Natalia's building, they rode silently up the elevator to her floor. Inside her apartment, Natalia undid her ponytail, her hair cascading in a dark waterfall down her back. Pensive, she felt a massive head-ache coming on. Quietly, she slipped into her bathroom to fetch a couple of aspirin before returning to the living room. She found Rick standing by the window, looking out over the city. She needed him to talk to her. How could they fix this if he didn't? Giving him some space, she settled on her sofa, her feet tucked under her. "Rick? I need to know what happened when you left the café. _Why _did you leave?"

He was silent for so long, she wasn't sure he'd answer. "I saw Kate…before I got to breakfast this morning. In the paper, I mean. There was an article in Page Six."

Relieved, she interrupted, "I know. I saw it. She's _gorgeous_, Rick. I mean, I've seen pictures of her dressed up before, but…" her voice trailed off. Really, she didn't need to remind him. She'd seen Kate again today, as had he. Up close and personal. "So, I take it, you were trying to warn her about the article?"

Taking a seat on the sofa next to her, he admitted, "That _would_ have been the proper thing to do, but Talia, I didn't do that." Reaching for her hand, he held her gaze as he continued, "Talia, I thought…I _really_ thought I was over her. That I'd moved on from Kate. But seeing her in the paper this morning and then at the café…." His words trailed off and he lowered his gaze. Ashamed. Remorseful. He'd lived with the playboy rumors, embraced them for the sake of his craft, but underneath it all that wasn't who he was. He didn't want to hurt anyone. It's just that he'd protected his own heart for so long he never expected to give it away. But as much as he loved Natalia, _and he did love her_, he could never give her something he'd already given away. Only he hadn't realized that until this morning.

The tears pooled in her eyes. Crazy as it was, she actually felt sorry for him. She'd been there. Where he was. The only difference was Steven had died. Fortunately, for Rick, _Kate_ was still _alive_. "You do realize, don't you, I could hate you for this? Had my story been different. Had I never loved Steven." There was a sad, yet teasing lilt to her voice. "This doesn't mean I'm a push-over Rick. It simply means that I believe in fairytales and happy endings. Kate's yours Rick. She's _yours_." Squeezing his hand, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

His eyes bright and glistening with unshed tears he confessed, "I think you've read one too many fairytales."

Smiling, she teased, "The hazards of being an illustrator, I suppose."

"This would be so much easier if you were like Meredith or Gina," he mused.

Laughing, Natalia replied, "That's why it's called love, Rick. It's not supposed to be easy or neat and tidy. Love is messy. It'll hurt you, heal you and inspire you. It's boarding a plane to an unknown destination and having the ride of your life. And you, my love, have a plane to catch."

He was tired, sad and hopeful. His voice low, resolved, he replied, "I do love you, you know. And I'm sorry, Natalia. I'm sorry for hurting you."

"Rick, I love you, too. Which is precisely why, I can't begrudge you for following your heart. If I were given a second chance to be with Steven, I'd grab hold with both hands and not let go."


	10. After The Storm

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. Yet.

**Chapter 10: After the Storm**

Kate tossed and turned in her bed that night. The crash boom of the thunder and the snapping crackle of the lightning invaded her bedroom disturbing her slumber. There was intense thunderstorm raging across Manhattan and in her heart. Ever since that night on the swing set, when she'd shown up on Castle's doorstep dripping wet from the rain, that night she'd first given her heart to him, thunderstorms held a special meaning for her. They held the promise of hope, of a new beginning, the chance for a future filled with love and happiness. At least, they had…until this very moment when all she wanted was to sleep. She didn't want to think about Castle…didn't want him invading her dreams too. Tomorrow would be here before long and she'd have enough trouble dealing with him in the daylight. She was not a coward but damn! If she could find a way out of it she would. She didn't want to not be his friend, but she could no longer be his best friend either. Her wounds had healed, but that didn't mean she had to continue to rub salt in them.

When dawn finally broke, she was up and out the door. Dressed in workout clothes, she hit the sidewalk running. Rather than listen to the early morning sounds of the city, she tuned her iPhone to her playlist. Let the music and the physical exertion carry her to a place where no thought was required.

Kate clocked two miles before returning home. She'd shortened her route to accommodate her doctor's requests. Not to say there weren't days where she didn't test her limits. Today just wasn't one of those days. Still tired from a restless night, she set about brewing a pot of coffee before hitting the shower.

Having slipped into a pair of jeans fresh from her shower, she tugged on a soft well-worn purple flannel shirt. Her hand rested on the bedpost as she slid her feet into a pair of ballet flats. Momentarily distracted, Kate's eyes found their way to the framed picture above her bed. The picture she couldn't bear to put into storage.

It was a birthday gift from Castle. Her last birthday with him. One of those grand yet somehow intimately romantic gestures he was so fond of. She could still, after all this time, recall the look on his face. He'd been stupidly, inanely giddy for weeks leading up to her birthday. And then, when she'd finally opened it, Castle's face had lit up like a Christmas tree. He was beyond exuberant. It was like the night she'd found out she was Number One on his Bucket List. Her jaw had dropped. No one had ever shown her a love like Castle. _No one._ For her, it was the equivalent of her "Rear Window" birthday gift for him.

Like all new couples, they'd had their ups and downs. Their _off_ moments where things seemed out of sync. Moments where fear and insecurities slipped through the cracks. With patience, love, and not so gentle shoves from friends and family they had somehow found their groove. His gift. It served as a reminder of how _far_ they'd come.

**Always. **The picture touted their word. _Their word._ So much more than an 'I love you'. An 'I love you' that trips, stumbles, and unfurls its way off the tongue. Unlike their 'always', which is steady, strong, and unwavering. _Always._ Like the beating of their hearts. Like the North Star.

It wasn't just the 'Always'. Below it, there was an infinity symbol comprised of coordinates. Coordinates of the places and events that made up _their story_. First meetings, his and hers. She'd _finally_ told him how his books were favorites of her moms and Kate's savior when she'd lost Johanna Beckett. That she'd stood in line for hours- **hours!** – just for his autograph. Of course, he hadn't believed her because he theorized, "How could he not remember meeting her _then_?" and so she'd had to pull out her worn copy of his book. "There!" She'd pointed proudly at his message to her. Flummoxed, his mouth opened and closed reminding her of a goldfish.

His words, "To Kate, Thank you for reading my work. For being an insightful, lovely, and charming woman with incredibly sad green eyes. You are going to break a lot of hearts until you find the one who'll fight to keep yours. Best wishes for you, always. Rick Castle"

The coordinates also mapped out locations of their first 'always', first 'I love yous' (the cemetery where she'd been shot and the beach in the Hamptons where the words tumbled unbidden from her lips), first kisses (undercover and not, because they continued to disagree over the one that counted), and first trips (LA – when he'd unexpectedly followed her to help find Royce's killer). Holidays spent together at his, hers, her dads, and of course,_ their_ swing set. _Every one_ of those dots told their story. Beautiful and tragic though it was.

Smiling, it settled in her heart, a sense of peace. Peace in knowing she'd keep his gift with her always. It represented how far she'd come, from the scared, closed off, hard-nosed detective to the woman she was now. Happy, free, joyful, open, and _a bit_ less stubborn. Most importantly (and _surprisingly_ to her, _even now_), she was willing _to love_ and _be loved_.

Sighing, she turned away from the picture, from the memories, the lure of coffee enticing her. Her first cup of the day in hand, she settled on her sofa with the morning paper. The paper held her interest only so long before Kate reached for her phone. Perhaps, Esposito and Ryan had caught a case. She missed the late night/early morning calls summoning her to the location of a body drop. Maybe tomorrow she'd tell Gates she was ready to find a new partner. Life moved forward whether you wanted it to or not. Castle being with Natalia was proof of that. That she liked Natalia…she wasn't sure if it made it better or worse. Regardless of his actions the previous day, Kate knew Rick was doing his best with the situation at hand. She'd spoken with her dad the day before. He'd been the voice of reason when she was fuming mad. He'd rationalized that although she was primarily reliving the past in search of her future, Rick was now caught between his past, present, _and_ future.

Her phone beeped, pulling her out of her reverie. The message from Espo indicated there was no need to head to the precinct. Before she could lay the phone down, it beeped again.

"I know we never agreed on a time, but I'm giving you an out if you want it. Otherwise, I can be there in a half hour."

"Castle, quit pacing on the sidewalk below before my neighbors phone the police."

Rick tossed his head back and laughed. He had no idea how she _always_ knew. Maybe, it was the text that gave him away? He typed back a reply as he made his way to her elevator. "I'll be right up. Hope you're hungry because I've brought breakfast!"

"I suppose that means I'll have to let you in then." She smiled. Anything was possible. Even the impossible.


	11. Coming Home

Disclaimer: Not mine.

** Chapter 11 Coming Home**

**Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me**

**And how long I've waited for your touch**

**And if you knew how happy you are making me**

**I never thought that I'd love anyone so much**

**It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me**

**It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from**

**"Feels Like Home" _ Chantal Kreviazuk**

"Come on in, Castle."

"Thanks." He led the way to her kitchen and set the bulging bag on the countertop.

"Jeez, Castle. You know, I do have groceries."

Pulling the take-away containers from the bag, he teased, "That may be true, but are they edible?"

Affronted, she rolled her eyes. "They are, but since you're here what are my options?"

"We've got pancakes, breakfast pastries, frittatas…." Castle rattled off a list of endless possibilities.

Unable to suppress a grin, Kate grabbed a random container and a fresh cup of coffee and settled at the table. "Have a seat, Castle."

He set two of the containers on the table and made himself a cup of coffee.

Kate watched him as she took a bite of the French toast he'd brought. His movements sure and precise. He fit into her space even when he shouldn't. Their eyes met and lingered across the table as he sat. He smiled that familiar boyish grin and peeled off the lids revealing a platter of bacon, frittata and pancakes. He slid them halfway across the table in offering, smiling when she snagged the bacon. They ate in silence for a while. Castle paused only to grab their mugs, taking them over to the coffeemaker for warmers. "So, how's work?"

"Good. I'm glad to be back."

"Yeah. I wasn't sure you'd be here. Thought you might've caught a case."

"I'm still pretty much on desk duty. I've got to re-qualify and Gates…she wants me to find a partner." Kate lowered her gaze self-consciously as he set her coffee before her. "Thanks."

Back in his seat, he replied, "Sounds like a good idea to me." Taking a bite, he chewed thoughtfully. "Think she'd welcome me back? I could shadow you until you find someone permanent. I can carry a weapon now. I've got a permit." He smiled as though she'd just won the lottery.

Kate choked on her coffee. "Someone _gave you_ a permit for a _gun_?! _Do _they have _any_ idea who you _are_?!" Castle pouted, but she continued, shaking her head at the thought. "And, **no!** No. You're not coming to work with me. I need someone I can trust to watch my back, Castle. Not someone I have to worry about. I'm sure Natalia doesn't want you playing a real-life cop either."

"Kate, about Natalia…."

She interrupted him, needing to make her case. "She's lovely, Rick. I like her. She's an adult which is a bonus, _for you_. So don't screw it up. That means, don't go getting yourself shot on my account."

"Kate, we need to talk."

"I thought that's what we were doing."

Castle stood and walked around the table to offer Kate his hand. "Come with me." Again, she shook her head. He sighed. She'd let him into her home. That had to count for something. Confidently, he walked away and made himself comfortable on her sofa. "I don't want to lose you again, Kate."

"_Castle_." A single word. A warning.

"Natalia and I…we ended our relationship." Wow. Straight to the point.

"You're an ass."

"I know."

Silence. The only sound was that of the coffee brewing. He watched as she put away the leftovers and poured them each another cup. She handed him a mug before settling on the sofa, her knees drawn up under chin.

"I still love you."

"I know."

"I don't know how to fix this, Kate."

"Some things you can't fix, Castle."

He came to her then, sitting right beside her. Placing his thumb and forefinger on her chin, he forced her to meet his gaze. "We aren't those things."

"Maybe. Maybe not." Her eyes didn't leave his face. "I need time. _We_ need time." She leaned back, resting her head against the cushion. Her eyes drifted shut. "Rick? How did we get here? My dad tried to fill me in…."

Castle settled in next to her. He took her hand in his, linking their fingers. He held his breath, waiting to see if she'd withdraw it. When she didn't, he stared at their joined hands. _He really_ _was here._ _With Kate._ "Do you remember the job offer in D.C.?" He saw her nod, felt the squeeze of her hand. Once for yes, twice for no. His thoughts momentarily drifted to their time in the hospital. She was merely lying there while he occupied the bedside chair holding Kate's hand as he tried to coax a response from her. Once for yes, twice for no. She hadn't squeezed his hand then. Not once. Shaking off the memory, he continued, "We discussed it. You wanted the job and so you accepted the offer. We…we were going to work it out." He paused. "Bracken got wind of your plans to relocate to his home turf. Intercepted your transport. The brakes failed when the car was run off the highway into a ravine. My dad found out about his intentions, but he didn't get to you until after the accident. He got you out right before the car exploded."

Kate opened her eyes, her gaze roaming over his face. Intrigued. "Castle, your _dad_?! But, _how_?"

"Remember, when Alexis and I returned from Paris? He said he'd continue to keep an eye on all of us. Your plane arrived earlier than scheduled. Somehow, his flight got delayed. When he finally got to you, it was too late. You were already unconscious. He got you to the hospital and phoned me. Once you were stabilized, we brought you back to New York. He helped me arrange the best possible care for you." Tears trailed down his face as he watched her. "Kate, he rescued you _for me_."

She traced his tears with her fingertips. Her own eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Perhaps one day I might be able to thank him. _I hope_."

"I think we can arrange something," he stated simply, pride lacing his words.

Her fingers stilled, lingering on his jawline. Excitement and awe lit up her face. Her smile radiant, reminding him of the sun breaking through clouds on a dreary morning. "He's here?"

"Not here as in New York, here. We worked something out so that if it becomes necessary we are able to contact one another. And…if I ask him to come, he will."

"Castle! That's huge." Overjoyed, Kate threw her arms around him. Still wrapped in his embrace, she allowed herself the opportunity to enjoy the moment. _I'm coming home_. The thought slid into her mind unbidden. _He was home_. _He would always be home_. Her words, barely a whisper. Her breath, a welcome caress against his ear, she confessed, "I can't wait to meet him."

* * *

Mid-afternoon found them lounging at opposite ends of the sofa. They'd fallen into their familiar banter so easily. It was comforting, exciting, and scary. Castle drew lazy circles on her leg as they talked.

"So, your father got you the gun," she commented gleefully, the puzzle seemingly solved.

"He didn't! I swear," Castle protested, chagrined.

"I seem to recall he's the reason you were granted access to the CIA. So, obviously, my deduction is logical, Castle."

"You're not going to let me work with you, are you?"

"I'm not going to lie. Today's been really great, Rick."

"And, I hear a 'but' in there."

She slapped his leg playfully. "But…up until yesterday, you were engaged. That's not something I can easily dismiss. Neither can you." She paused, choosing her words carefully. Their future regardless of what it may hold demanded honesty. Life had taught her yet again a very painful lesson. _Life was precious. Fear a wasted emotion_. Kate Beckett was tired of being afraid. "I'm not angry anymore. I'm sad and I'm hurt, but I'm not angry, Rick. I'm just asking you to give me, to give _us_, time to find our way. I want to get it right this time."

"I want that too, Kate."

"I love you." Her voice clear and confident. He needed to know she felt the same. _She needed_ _him to know._ Just in case he had any doubts. _She didn't want him to have any doubts._ Once upon a time, they'd promised each other "always".

She couldn't see his face, the grin that split it in two. Yet she knew he was smiling as he replied, "I know" because she was smiling too.


	12. Fix You

**Disclaimer:**** Still no legal rights to Castle. I just own the right to fangirl over them. :)**

**A/N:**** As always, a heartfelt thank you to my lovely Katie. Thank you for your advance readings. Thank you for the daily Caskett smiles and for being a lovely friend to fangirl with. Andrew gave Rick his beloved Kate. Castle gave me you...the most adorable friend in the world! You're going to be an amazing "Lanie" one day! I can't wait until we travel to LA to meet everyone. :) **

**For everyone else, I'm so excited to spend this summer of the longest hiatus known to man with you all. Let the spoilers begin! I hope you enjoy this chapter. They each get a little more difficult as the time passes. I know you're hoping for more Caskett, but I thought this Lanie scene was needed and it's significant. **

**P.S. Before continuing, you may want to grab a box of tissues...and chocolate...and tea. Or coffee! :) **

**Always, E.**

**Chapter 12: Fix You**

**And the tears come streaming down your face**

**When you lose something you can't replace**

**When you love someone but it goes to waste**

**Could it be worse?**

**Lights will guide you home**

**And ignite your bones**

**And I will try to fix you**

**And high up above or down below **

**When you're too in love to let it go**

**But if you never try you'll never know**

**Just what you're worth**

**Lights will guide you home**

**And ignite your bones**

**And I will try to fix you**

**"Fix You" – Coldplay**

Kate's phone buzzed alerting her of an incoming text. "I need to see you. Now. –LP"

Calling out to Ryan and Esposito, she headed for the elevator. "Hey, guys? Lanie's got something. I'll be right back."

Breezing into the morgue, she greeted her friend, "Lanie, what's up? You said the labs on our vic wouldn't be back for a couple of hours."

Hands on hips and eyebrows raised, Lanie exclaimed, "You and Castle? **_You and Castle!_**"

Still focused on her case, Beckett replied defensively, "Lanie! We didn't compromise the crime scene. I swear. I kept an eye on him."

"You certainly compromised something! Kate, I can't believe you've been holding out on me." Her tone indicated she was clearly hurt by Kate's indiscretions.

Raking her fingers through her hair in mild frustration, Kate sought clarification. "Lanie, _what_ _the hell_ are you talking about?"

"You and Castle? You're together! You better be _together_ together and not cheating on Natalia. She's a nice girl. Not to mention, that's a sleazy thing to do. And I _know_ Kate Beckett doesn't do sleazy…Right?" Her eyes ablaze with anger and confusion as she interrogated her best friend.

On a sigh, Kate answered, "I'm not sleazy. We're not cheating. They broke up amicably. Castle and I…we're….We're, um…taking it one day at a time." Pacing now, Kate asked, curious, "How'd you know?"

"Javi saw you climb into the back of a town car last night. Out of concern, he followed you. When he found out you were with Castle, he headed home."

_Shit!_ Now she owed him a twenty. It had been four weeks since Castle had come to her apartment. Just one week since he'd been back as her tentative partner and their secret was already out. She'd bet him things would go unnoticed for _six_ weeks. And now, she'd lost. Thank God, they'd only wagered money.

"Lanie, it's just new. And weird, you know?" Pausing, she hopped up onto an exam table. "I just…I don't want Castle rushing into anything. I love him, but I'm not ready. And I'm certainly not ready for anymore media attention."

"You know he loves you, Kate. Is it that you're not ready because you're afraid to trust him?"

"It's not that I don't trust him. He wouldn't be back at the precinct if I didn't." Fidgeting with the bracelet on her wrist, she confided, "We lost _two years_, Lanie. How the hell do I _accept_ that? How can I expect him to accept it and then pick back up _where I left off_?"

"Sweetie, none of this is your fault. You know that man would walk on water for you. As for the press, Castle can handle the press and besides, I really don't think it'll be that bad. At least, I know it won't be _negative_ attention." Adopting a posh British accent, Lanie strutted around the open space. "Richard Castle and Katherine Beckett are America's very own royal couple. As popular, if not more so than, William and Kate, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge." Winking at Kate, she continued without the accent, "The press and your fans practically camped out at the hospital. In fact, they were waiting for us when we medevaced you back to NY Presbyterian."

Kate's head snapped up. "Wait. What do you mean, 'when we'?"

Settling in on a nearby stool, Lanie proceeded to fill her in. "When Castle's dad called to let him know he'd found you, Castle came to see me. He asked me to fly to D.C. with him. Said he wanted someone with medical knowledge, someone he trusted, to help him understand your condition."

Kate hopped down from her perch and paced the floor. This latest revelation left her dumbfounded. "You're telling me **_you_** know about Castle's dad?! Who else knows, Lanie?"

"Just the boys and Gates. That's it. Besides Alexis and Martha, of course. He came back to the city with us. Made sure you had the highest level of security. He stayed almost a week, I think." Fanning herself, she smirked, "That apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Papa Castle, I mean, Hunt, is one** hot** grandpa!"

Decidedly ignoring that last comment, Kate continued pacing. She couldn't believe Jackson Hunt had risked exposure to save her life. She sincerely hoped she got the opportunity to meet and thank him someday soon. Kate made a mental note to remind Castle. "Lanie, how bad was it?"

The ME watched her best friend carefully. "Kate, honey. Are you sure you want to talk about this?" At Kate's nod, Lanie took a deep breath. "Okay. From day one it didn't look good. You were unconscious when Papa Hunt rescued you. Your vitals were all over the place. Against my better judgment and the doctor's, Castle insisted on bringing you back to New York. He didn't want your dad to have anything else to worry about. And he thought that _being in_ New York would somehow make you feel safe. That your mind would relax and unlock itself. So Castle's dad made it happen." Pausing to examine how her friend was handling this information, Lanie grabbed them each a bottle of water from her bag. Kate nodded her thanks, smiling weakly, as she accepted the drink.

"As time passed, Castle was practically living _with you_ at the hospital. He stopped writing to research similar cases…consulted with neurologists and specialists around the clock to try to find a solution. He was carelessly free-falling into an abyss. We had to make sure he remembered to eat, to take care of himself. Fixing you is what drove him. It got to a point where Martha and Jim considered banning him from the hospital…at least, for a little while. Just to give him time to decompress. To take a step back, gain some focus. Afraid of what that would do to him…do to his relationship with your parents, Alexis talked them out of it. Instead, she enlisted help from Javi and Kevin. Whatever they said or did eventually worked. Gradually, he started to act more like the old Castle."

Kate glanced at Lanie thoughtfully. There was more to it than that. Something Lanie wasn't telling her. She was debating whether to push it further or let it go for now. Her phone rang, making the decision for her that much easier. "Beckett." After a moment, she continued, "Hey, Castle. I'm with Lanie. No. No news yet. Yeah. I'm on my way." Ending the call, she looked at her friend. "Thanks, Lanie. I know I keep saying it, but it just doesn't seem to be enough. And I'm sorry for not telling you about Castle." Her eyes downcast, unsure of what else to say.

"You being here** is** enough. _More_ than enough." Lanie pulled her in for a hug, not sure which of them needed the contact and comfort more. "I love you, Kate."

"I love you, too, Lanie." She stepped out of the embrace, holding Lanie's hands in her own and smiled. "I'll call you."

"You better. Now get out of here before your coffee gets cold." She smirked, knowing Castle would be at the precinct waiting on his partner with a fresh cup.

Breezing out of the morgue just as she'd done on her way in, Kate called over her shoulder, her voice melodious, "You're not funny!"

All alone now, excluding her deceased company, Lanie muttered as she went back to her work, "I thought it was funny."


	13. Breathless

**Disclaimer:**** No legitimate rights to Castle. Still doesn't stop me from loving them. Or admiring their work. :)**

**A/N:**** As always, thank you to Katie (the Lanie to my Kate). Thank you for the daily Caskett smiles, for your endless support and for being you. And, as always, thank you for being there to fangirl with me! And for Joana, you are the sweetest. Thank you for your encouragement and your reviews. I'm thankful for your friendship as well. And finally, a huge thank you to Stana Katic. Without you, Kate Beckett would not exist. There's no doubt your magic and talent brought her to life. xx :) **

**To you the readers:**** Thank you for your reviews (each and everyone). For those that find fault with Kate, I hope this chapter will change your opinion of her. She is beautiful and flawed and that is why we her fans LOVE her. **

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I hope...that it leaves you breathless. Always, E.**

**Chapter 13: Breathless**

Her eyes skimmed the case file one last time, hoping her tired eyes would stumble upon a minor detail she'd somehow missed. On a sigh she closed it, stacked the file with her other pending cases and slipped the whole lot into her desk drawer. Kate glanced over at Castle, watching as he studied the murder board and smiled. He'd stayed with her long after everyone else had gone. He'd refreshed her coffee, tossed around theories, and made idle chitchat, all the while expertly avoiding assisting her with the paperwork. Some things never changed.

Her stomach growled angrily, interrupting her idle musings, reminding her it'd been ignored far too long. In fact, she'd not eaten since Castle brought her coffee and a sandwich just before noon. Belatedly, she realized he must be starving too.

"Hey, Castle." He turned to her, a huge smile alighting his face, his hair tousled, giving her a glimpse of the young boy he'd been once. "Let's get out of here."

"Alright. So I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Kate glanced at him, wondering if he had any plans for the night. He hadn't mentioned anything. "I was thinking I owed you dinner. Remy's?"

His smile returned. "_Oh?_"

Reaching for his hand, she led him to the elevator. "Yeah, I'll explain on the way." Not ready to go home to her empty apartment she grinned, thankful for the opportunity to spend more time with him. As she'd told Lanie, they were taking it slow. One day at a time. Though he'd never said anything, she knew it had to feel awkward at times. One minute he'd been engaged to Natalia and now_ here they were_. Kind of, sort of, dating even though they'd not labeled it as such. And now here he was back at the precinct. Surprisingly, that suggestion –or offer- had come from none other than Gates herself. Regardless, they'd returned to **PC-squared status** (also known as pre-coma, pre-Caskett status) she thought rather sadly.

Sliding into the booth across from her, Castle teased, "Should I be offended that you assumed I'd be satisfied with twenty dollars' worth of food?"

Kate smirked, barely restraining her usual eye roll. "If you must know, I was hoping a strawberry milkshake with fries would make it easier to concede defeat."

"So you said Esposito and Lanie know…." He prompted.

"Which means Ryan and Jenny know."

He paused a moment while the waitress took their orders. Once she'd gone, he continued. "We can't forget Gates." When Kate's jaw dropped he chuckled and made an elaborate show of leaning across the table. Using just his thumb and index finger he lifted her chin thereby closing her gaping mouth. "Honestly, Beckett, your detecting skills have been a little subpar recently. Didn't you realize she knew about us when she said I was welcome to return the precinct?"

Unable to hold it in any longer, Kate interjected, "You can't be serious!"

"Oh, but I am. Ever since your accident she's grown fond of me. Respects me even. I'm not going to lie…it still kind of creeps me out." He shuddered adding emphasis to his words.

"Ignoring the fact that you so obviously _cheated_….Perhaps, it has something to do with your dad?"

The waitress returned with their orders before he could respond. The allure of their meals effectively distracting the detective and her partner until their empty stomachs once satiated forgave them.

Pausing to take a sip of his milkshake, Castle mused, "So now that the cat's out of the bag, I was thinking we could invite everyone to the bar for drinks. If that's okay with you…?"

A fry poised halfway to her lips, Kate chewed thoughtfully, "I'm sure Lanie will be thrilled. She's been looking forward to a night out."

"Will you wear that purple dress again?" He smiled hopefully.

"I don't think so, Castle. You didn't approve the last time, remember?" She smirked.

Rather dramatically, he clutched his heart and feigned a pained expression. "Excellent aim, Detective. Intended target found." Laughing at her _'I'm clearly unamused expression'_, he asked sincerely, "So are you okay with me extending the invitation?"

"Yeah, Castle. I'm okay with it. Invite away!" Her smile lighting up her face as she swiped another fry from his plate and dunked it into her strawberry shake.

Kate paid for their meal and reluctantly slid out of the booth. Spending time with Castle at the precinct everyday somehow made her miss him more. She felt like a silly schoolgirl with her first Valentine's Day crush. Something she'd only ever felt with him. She'd appreciated and enjoyed that feeling the first time, but now she embraced it. Thrilled with yet another beautiful reminder of what it meant to be alive and in love.

Stepping out onto the sidewalk with him at her side, a smile lit up her face as she caught his eye. He winked at her mischievously and grinned.

"I miss you, too." Before she could respond he added, "You were _not_ saying it rather loudly."

Taking a leap of faith, Kate met his gaze brazenly and asked, "Will you come home with me?" She paused a beat at his nod, then added, "For the night?"

The darkness shadowed the lines of her face as the light from the diner cradled her in its glow. Castle's gaze fell upon her face, memorizing the sharp planes, the shadowed valleys and the hope and hesitation dancing within the depths of her hazel eyes. Katherine Houghton Beckett, fearless detective, was standing before him with her heart on her sleeve when he fell in complete and utter love all over again. Rick raised his hand to cup her cheek. Deftly his fingers slid into the silky strands of her hair, found their way to the back of her head and caressed the nape of her neck. A slight increase of pressure from his fingertips brought her closer to him. He dipped his head capturing her mouth with his own. She tasted of strawberries, sweet and salty from their meal, and of something entirely her own. A soft moan escaped her lips and her arms slid around his waist of their own accord. Kate's mouth opened beneath his granting him permission to deepen the kiss. He'd never felt so out of control so fast. Only with her. Reluctantly, he withdrew his mouth from hers. Holding her in his arms a moment more, he whispered in her ear, "Let's go home, Kate." Castle held her hand as he led her to the car. "Perhaps, I should drive?" He suggested rather cheekily.

"If you're talking about the car, the answer is no." She bit her lip seductively before sliding into the driver's seat.

He loved that she could so easily and so quickly turn the tables on him. Put him in his place. He just didn't know if his heart could take it.

Giddy with excitement and anxiety they held hands as they made their way through the lobby and into the elevator. As soon as the doors closed, shielding them from prying eyes, his arms went around her waist. He kissed the top of her head holding her close.

"Did you let Martha know you were staying with me?" Given all they'd been through over the years, she didn't want her to worry.

His lips to her hair, he murmured, "I did. And I updated my status on Twitter and Facebook as well." She could feel his face split in half as he grinned into her hair.

She elbowed him lightly in the ribs. "I'm not worried. I'm sure I still remember your password."

Leading him to her apartment, their fingers entwined, she smiled as he slipped the key from her hand and unlocked her door. He'd stepped to the side allowing her to enter first. As her fingers sought out the light switch, he entered behind her, his arms snaking around her waist. He spun her so quickly her breath caught in her throat. One minute she was standing in the middle of her foyer, the next her back was against the door. Castle pressed the full length of his body against hers, his eyes never leaving her face. "You're so beautiful. You take my breath away."

"I know the feeling, Mr. Castle." She teased as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

He slid a hand into her hair loosening the French knot until her auburn locks cascaded down around her shoulders covering his hand. He touched his forehead to hers needing a moment to gather his self-control.

Cradling his face in her hands, she said softly, "It's okay, Rick. I want you, too."

His voice rough with need, want, and desire, he told her, "Put your arms around my neck." When she'd complied with his request, he placed his hands at the back of her thighs applying pressure as his hands brought her legs up and out from under her. Instinctively, she wrapped her legs around his waist and his hands cupped her buttocks. Rick's mouth captured hers in a searing kiss, stealing her breath as well as his own.

Kate awakened in the middle of the night, her body tender and thrumming from Castle's touch. The sheets tangled around their bodies, she wasn't quite sure where his body ended and hers began. Watching as he lay sleeping, she smiled at the memory of their hands, lips, and tongues teasing, tasting and loving one another. She trailed open mouthed kisses along his jawline, his collarbone and his chest, scraping her nails along his pelvis not wanting to be wide awake without him. He stirred, eyes closed and smiling as he reached for her pulling her down on top of him. Her laughter bubbled out of her warming his chest.

"It's not morning yet, Kate."

"Why, Castle. Your age is showing."

Swiftly, and with what he would later refer to as his 'ninja-like skills', he flipped Kate on her back. "I'm still young enough to excite you, Beckett. That's all that matters." His hands slid beneath the sheets, his fingers trailing the length of her satiny skin arousing her. Her laughter reverberated against his chest. When his fingers found their intended target, her body tensed and she gasped. He winked roguishly as his smiling mouth, hovered just a hairsbreadth from hers. "I love you, Kate."

"I love you, too. Always."


	14. Like Father, Like Son

**Disclaimer:** Andrew and ABC still haven't called me. I can only play with the characters on my own time.

**Author's** Note: A very big apology for the longest delay ever. I hope those of you that enjoy spoilers have had adequate distraction. For those that bravely avoid spoilers, you have my utmost respect. I envy your willpower and I'm tremendously sorry that I've been absent for so long.

A very special thank you to Joana ( JoanaCTeixeira) for inspiring the scene I absolutely love with my entire being. I hope I did it justice and I hope you love it as much as I do. You're so very special and I adore you! Always. And as ever, thank you Katie ( katieupatree) for always being there with your kind words and wonderful reviews. I love you both.

This chapter means an awful lot to me. I hope you enjoy it and I hope you'll leave reviews. Also, I hope you'll forgive me for taking any artistic liberties in handling this chapter. I didn't study criminology. I merely watch it on TV. Always, Eliza xx

** Chapter 14: Like Father, Like Son**

Still groggy and disoriented from his early morning slumber, Castle woke to an empty bed. The shadowy depths lending credence to the unwelcome hour. Bleary-eyed he ran his hand longingly over her side of the bed. The cool linens merely adding to his confusion. _Had she really been there with him last night? Or was it a dream? Was it all a dream…these past few months? Where was she? Where was Kate?_

Eager for answers to his questions, he called out her name, the panic rising, "Kate? Kate?! Beckett!" Receiving no immediate response he stumbled and fell out of the bed. In his haste to search her out his body caught in the twisted bed linens and he hit the floor with a loud thud.

The sound of the commotion brought Kate running to his room. "Castle?" Her voice hitched with a mixture of fear and worry. She knelt beside him on the floor. With trembling fingers, she brushed his hair off his forehead. "Rick? Are you okay? Did you hit your head?"

"I'm fine. I'm okay. Kate…you're okay? You weren't here when I woke up. I thought…I thought last night was a dream. That you weren't here. That something happened to you. I'm sorry!"

She took a step back trying to help him into a sitting position. "Rick. It's okay. _You're_ okay. _We're okay_. I should have left a note on the pillow. I couldn't sleep so I went for a quick run. _I'm _sorry."

Gripping her hand in his own, he pleaded, "Come back to bed."

Caressing his cheek, she smiled and kissed his forehead. "Give me a minute to strip out of my running gear, okay?"

Rick nodded and lifted himself off the floor before climbing back into bed.

As Kate drifted toward the bathroom, she murmured, "I'll bring you a glass of water and some aspirin. You might wake up with a headache later."

By the time Kate returned with the water and medication, Castle was already asleep. Relieved to find him in a tranquil state, she crawled under the covers to join him. Pressing her front to his back, she slid her leg between his and wrapped her arm securely around his waist. When Rick awakened there'd be no question of her whereabouts.

* * *

Mid-day found them lounging side by side in his bed, fingers entwined and their arms raised above their heads. Flicks of their wrists and the sensual dance of their fingers in the sunlight casting patterns on the wall and ceiling as they lay.

"Castle…how often are you having nightmares?" Concern and sorrow laced her words. She'd missed two years of his life. _How long had he been dealing with this? Had anyone known?_ She'd loved him unconditionally and yet even with her he still kept his emotions close to the vest. So many questions had gone unanswered because she'd yielded to him. Mere months before the accident he'd asked her to move in with him. In that instant, she knew a proposal was forthcoming. It was then that she'd decided she wanted more. Expected more from him. Then the accident occurred. Now here they were two years later. She wouldn't allow them to reach an impasse this time. There was too much at stake.

After a brief hesitation, he answered, "It's sporadic. Not unlike those I had after the Tyson incident or after Alexis and I returned home from Paris."

"But they've increased since I've been back, haven't they?" Sadness tinged her words.

Not entirely avoiding her question but unwilling to cause her any additional heartache, he replied solemnly, "I can handle it, Kate."

"Castle, can you at least tell me about it? What happened between you, your father, and Bracken? We've never discussed it and no one else would talk about the accident at length with me. Considering the circumstances, I suppose Bracken became a taboo topic."

Pulling Kate on top of him he replied gravely, "You'll never have to worry about Bracken again. My father and I, we handled it." Ready for this conversation to be over, he covered her mouth with his own, stealing her breath and kissing her senseless. Passion ignited, clothes finding their way onto the floor as he drove her to distraction.

Willing to let the subject drop for the moment, she poured her heart and soul into that kiss. Into her touch. Into their lovemaking. She let go of that little voice in the back of her head telling her he was purposely evading her questions. Later. She'd press him about it later. Right now, this was all that mattered. Being with him.

* * *

When Kate had awakened from her coma, her thoughts were not on the cause of the accident. Nor was she concerned with thoughts of Bracken. She'd been consumed by thoughts of Castle. Their time lost. The fact that he was lost to her. When she'd accepted that position with the FBI, when she'd committed herself to Castle, she'd let go of the past. She'd let go of that need for justice. Her future with Castle was more important both then and now. Dare she venture to stir the pot by delving into the past all over again?

Her eyes shifted toward the precinct's elevator. She had a good forty minutes before Castle arrived. "Hey, Espo, Ryan. Got a minute?"

"Sure. What's up?"

She stood and gestured toward the break room. Following them into the room, she pulled up a chair. "Guys, there's something I want to ask you. It's about the accident. About Bracken and Castle."

She didn't miss the silent exchange between the two detectives. Yeah, something was definitely there.

"Didn't you ask Castle?" This from Espo.

"I did, but right now I'm asking you."

Kevin Ryan shuffled his feet nervously. "Uh, Kate. I really think you should discuss this with Castle first."

"Kev's right, Kate. You've gotta talk to your boy."

She couldn't begrudge them their loyalty to Castle. Nor the level of maturity demonstrated by minding their own business and avoiding a potentially hazardous situation. Still slightly miffed, she replied, "Fine" and stalked back to her desk.

Feeling slightly shell-shocked, Ryan turned to Javi. "I can't believe she hasn't researched it online yet."

"Nah, bro. You know, Beckett. She prefers to go straight to the source. Obviously, he's not talking. So neither are we."

"How long do you think that will last?"

"I don't know, but we all agreed it would be Castle's story to tell. He's the one who ended it."

* * *

Rick had a few moments to spare before he headed to the precinct. Sitting in his office, he tapped out a quick email. _"Kate sends her thanks…again. Says she'd much rather do so in person. Hope our paths cross again soon. Alexis sends her love. Mother, her regards. Always, Rick." _

Martha poked her head in his doorway just as he was standing. "On your way to see Katherine, dear?"

"I'm hoping to steal her away for lunch. What about you, Mother? Have you any plans?"

"My dear boy, I always have plans. Besides, I'd never impose on your lunch date with Kate. How's our girl doing anyway?"

"She's fine. Worried about me."

Concerned now, she took a seat in his office. "Why? What happened?"

Resigned, he let out a breath and sat back down. "She stayed here over the weekend. Got up for an early morning jog. I guess I woke up from a nightmare, saw she wasn't here and panicked. I think I frightened her." He paused before continuing, "Mother, she asked about the Senator. And I said nothing."

"Oh, darling. You can't avoid it forever. I know you want to marry her and you can't do that until you've resolved the past. All of it." She leaned forward and clasped his hand in her own. "You know I'm right."

_"I killed a man." _

Vehemently, she replied, "He deserved it." Needing to comfort her son she rose from her chair and stepped around his desk coming up short behind him. Martha folded her body forward wrapping her arms around his neck. "Richard, you know Katherine will agree. What _exactly_ are you afraid of? That Kate will be upset because you took down the man that murdered her mother and she didn't? That was neither your fault nor hers. That man, _that lunatic_, nearly killed her."

Feeling defeated, he replied despondently, "I'm afraid she'll be disappointed by the man I've become."

* * *

Kate picked up her phone distractedly expecting the text message to be from Castle. Whenever he was running late, he deemed it necessary to send disarmingly elaborate and creative stories to rationalize his tardiness. He didn't know it, though he probably suspected it, but she'd kept them all. His words always brought her comfort even at their most childish.

Her eyes skimmed quickly over the message. She paused, glancing discreetly around the bullpen. Kate pulled the phone toward her ensuring privacy as she read the words on her screen once again, this time more slowly. _"Detective Beckett – Anything for family. I don't need to tell you…you're well loved, darlin'. Tell Rick I said "soon". – jh" _A smile lit up her face as she pressed the knuckles of her index and middle fingers to her lips in an attempt to hide it. She shook her head, the laughter bubbling out of her. Like father, like son.

* * *

"Castle, _where are you_? Are you alright? You were supposed to be here an hour ago."

"I know. I'm sorry. Something came up. I'm still at the loft."

"Are you coming by later then?" She asked, trying not to let the hurt and worry creep into her voice. He was dealing with something. She just wished he would let her in.

"No. I'm not going to make it today. I'll meet you at yours tonight? Unless you want to come back here, of course. I can make dinner?"

"Uh, yeah. That's fine. If you're already going to be at the loft I may as well come to you."

"Great. So how's the case coming along?"

"No new leads at the moment. I'm just catching up on paperwork. Good day for you to play hooky, yeah?" She replied teasingly.

"I'm sure Gates appreciates the reprieve. I know I do. I shouldn't have set up that minion army in the break room. I'm not certain if it was the minions or Gru she took offense to more." He cringed at the memory of her reaction.

Kate stifled her laughter. "Are you sure you don't find some measure of enjoyment in antagonizing her still?"

Mildly defensive, he replied, "She's too sensitive! She looks nothing like Gru. Though her actions would say otherwise."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." Discreetly, she pulled a minion from her desk drawer. Glancing at the little figurine in her palm, she asked again softly, "Rick, are you sure everything's alright?"

Eyes closed, he imagined her sitting there at her desk staring at his empty chair. "It will be."

"I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll see you when you get home, Kate."

* * *

Kate knocked once on the partially opened door before entering. "Captain? Sir, do you have a minute?"

"How may I help you, Detective?" The ever somber Captain Gates glanced up at her curiously.

"I need to ask a favor. But first, I wanted to give you an update on the case."

"Okay."

"We're at a standstill. Ryan's looking into the vic's financials. Esposito is still looking into the victim's known associates. So far, no new leads."

"Okay. Now what about this favor?"

Nervous now, Kate fidgeted. "May I sit?" At the woman's nod, Kate sat. "I know we've yet to discuss everything surrounding my absence from the Precinct. You're aware of Senator Bracken's involvement in my mother's murder and his attempt on my life."

"Thanks to Mr. Castle, yes. Speaking of our fearless writer…he's conveniently absent today."

"That's part of what I want to talk to you about. Something's going on with Castle. I have a feeling it has something to do with Bracken."

"Kate, I'm sure you realize it's not my place to speculate. Sounds like the two of you need to sit down and talk."

Kate met and held her boss's gaze. "And that brings me to my favor. I'd like to take tomorrow off."

Captain Gates lifted her lips in a rare smile. "Take all the time you need, Detective. We'll be here waiting for you both."

"Sir, thank you. For everything. Most importantly, thank you for welcoming me home."

Standing, the older woman walked with Kate to the door. She placed a hand on the younger woman's arm and said with complete and utter sincerity. "That's what family does, Kate. Perhaps, Mr. Castle needs a reminder of that. Now, go and try to enjoy your time off."

* * *

The following morning Kate rose early. Despite the demands of her occupation, she rather enjoyed the pre-dawn hours. The heavy mist-laden air added an element of mystery that best suited her mood. She could only hope that her plan would pan out.

Fresh from a quick shower, she climbed back into bed pressing a feathery kiss to Castle's eyelids, his jawline, and the tip of his nose before finally resting her lips against his. She whispered, her minty breath ghosting over his mouth, "Rise and shine, sleepyhead."

Castle stirred but didn't open his eyes. He groaned as he raised his hand blindly searching for her head. His fingers slid into her hair, keeping her face and her luscious mouth nearer to his. "You're not really human, are you? Even the sun is still sleeping. And I didn't hear your phone. _Why_ are you awake? _Why must I be awake_?"

She laughed. "Castle, your whine is showing." Poking his ribcage teasingly, she kissed him soundly. "I need you to get up. Now. There's someplace we have to be."

That garnered a reaction. Rick opened his dazzlingly blue eyes and met her gaze. "Are we going to get breakfast before going into the Precinct? I could really go for an omelet. Or French toast. Ooh! Eggs Benedict!"

She smiled at his enthusiasm. He truly was adorable. This crazy, irresistible man she'd fallen head over heels in love with. "If you promise to get up, I promise to buy you breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

"What about work?"

"I'm playing hooky today." She poked him again, this time in his chest. "Now, up."

Excitedly, he clambered from the bed. "Katherine Houghton Beckett playing hooky? Today must be my lucky day! Can I update my Twitter status first? I need to record this date for posterity."

Suppressing a grin, she rewarded him with her infamous Beckett glare. "Shower. Now."

"I'm going. I'm going." He mumbled as he made his way to the master-bath.

By the time Castle emerged from the bedroom fully dressed, Kate was armed with croissants left over from their weekend brunch and two steaming travel mugs filled with coffee. "Let's go, handsome."

* * *

When Kate pulled to a stop outside the gated entrance, Castle inquired curiously, "Did you get a call about a case while I was in the shower?"

"Nope."

"Research, then?"

"Nope. Come on, Castle. We're going inside."

He unbuckled his seatbelt rather clumsily and followed her as she made her way over to the wrought iron gate. As she pushed open the gate to the cemetery, its hinges squeaked in protest. Once inside, Kate took hold of his hand and turned to face him square on. "Rick, I…I…." Gathering her thoughts and her strength, she surged forward. "I realize how very lucky I am to be standing here with you. It's because of you that I even stood a fighting chance. I could be _here_, lying next to_ her_." Her words softer now faded out. When he started to protest, Kate raised her fingers to his lips, silencing him. "Shh. Castle, it's okay. I just thought it was time. Time to introduce you to my mother…and to show you where I run to when times are tough. I figured if I showed you, I wouldn't be able to run anymore." Taking his face in her hands, she met his tear-filled eyes, "_I don't want to run anymore, Castle_."

His hands found their way into her hair, cradling the nape of her neck, bracing her as his mouth crashed into hers. He kissed her so deeply she would have sworn their souls met, swelled, and shattered in that instant. The pieces of their souls rearranging themselves, merging with one another, so that when they returned to their bodies pieces of the other went with them.

When the kiss ended, they clasped hands and made their way to Johanna Beckett's gravesite. Solemnly, they stood holding hands before the headstone engraved with her mother's name. He waited patiently for Kate to gather her words, to deliver her own silent greeting to the woman she so loved and missed. Her words soft and airy, filled with just a hint of nervous giddiness, she introduced them. "It's weird, Castle. She adored your books…your writing. I feel giddy like she probably would have had she met you in person. You were her favorite author, you know. When she started reading your novels, she tried unsuccessfully to share them with me. I was acting like a stupid kid. I refused. I told her…." She paused to chuckle. "I told her based on your headshot, I thought you were probably paid for your photo. That you were likely some pretentious jock that could barely articulate a complete sentence. Let alone write an entire book." She cringed at her own words.

Castle laughed good-naturedly. "At least, part of your theory was right. I was rather pretentious when we first met." Laying a hand on the headstone, he said sincerely, "As you can see, Johanna, your daughter has since learned the error of her ways." He winked at Beckett, eyes twinkling in merriment.

Kneeling, Kate spread a blanket she'd carried with her over the moist earth. She sat leaning back against the smooth stone and extended her hand to Castle. He lowered his body to the blanket and settled beside her. They sat side by side silently while his finger traced a lazy pattern across her open palm. Kate waited patiently. She could literally feel the tide shifting. She could almost hear the words sorting themselves out in his brain.

"Kate, I killed Senator Bracken."

Expelling the breath she'd been holding, Kate replied, "I know. I think I've always known."

Brow furrowed, clearly mystified, Castle asked, "How?"

"I'm a detective, Castle. It's my job." Glancing up at him she continued, "When I was spending all that time in physical therapy, I had plenty of time to think. I realized you wouldn't have had the courage to walk away…to let go if he was still a potential threat. Even with my dire prognosis."

"I'm sorry I took that victory from you."

"There was never any victory there, Castle. Only closure…and perhaps, justice."

"When the doctors told me there was nothing more they could do, I felt like a part of me died that day, Kate. I saw red and I wanted vengeance." Taking hold of her hand, he continued, "I contacted my father. We arranged a meeting with the Senator. I tried to negotiate with him. I wanted a confession. I wanted his word that he'd leave you alone in that hospital. I offered him money. Anything just to end it all. He laughed in my face and walked away. He got in his car and started to drive away. I was so angry. I pulled the gun my father had given me from its holster. I told myself I was aiming for the tire. I missed my mark and I hit the gas tank. The car exploded in a burst of flames."

"It's okay, Castle. It's okay." She assured him.

"Kate, I don't think I missed on purpose. I hated him for taking your mother from you. For taking you away from me." He paused to take a steadying breath. He'd held this in for so long. It was a relief to finally let it all out. "My dad contacted Gates. They arranged for me to do some target practice at the shooting range. Found ways to keep me busy. Within a couple of weeks, I was at Quantico. My father thought it would be good for me to get some practice shooting moving targets and to gain an understanding of the variables involved. To experience field training. Really, he just wanted me to come to terms with it. Regardless of whether I intentionally hit my intended target, it was over. All of it."

"Did it help?" She asked curiously.

"Yeah, it actually did. It improved my aim. Though I'm still not entirely over his death. The fact that _I _caused it."

She kissed his cheek. "That's because you have a conscience." In an attempt to lighten the mood, she mused, "So…perhaps, for Christmas I'll get you a gift certificate for the paintball range? I'm curious to see if your unofficial training with the FBI has given you an advantage. I'd like to see what new skills my partner has."

More than happy to switch subjects, he laughed. Wiggling his eyebrows mischievously, he replied, his tone and his accompanying smirk filled with innuendo, "I've got moves the likes of which you've never seen, Detective."

Slapping him playfully on the arm, she squealed, "Castle! _Really?! Now?_"

Glancing at her and then over his shoulder abashedly, he apologized, "Sorry, Johanna. I have the utmost respect for your daughter and only the purest of thoughts where she's concerned."

Rolling her eyes, Kate teased, "Really, Castle? Lying to a lawyer?"

"_What?_ I didn't lie. Those thoughts are only impure if you don't like them." Stealing a quick look at her, he grinned triumphantly. "And so far, Kate, you seem to have enjoyed them very much."

"On that note, let's go, Writer Boy. You've told enough tales for one day." Standing now, she waited for him to join her before bending down to retrieve their blanket. She smiled shyly as he reached out his hands to help fold it. The now folded blanket between them, she leaned forward, her lips barely touching his. "You're a good man, Richard Edgar Alexander Rodgers Castle. A _damn good_ man. And I just want you to know, my mom would have _adored_ you." Pressing her mouth to his, she kissed him softly. On a sigh she whispered, "Thank you. For everything. **_Every_****_thing_**."

"Always."

As they turned and made their way to the exit, she smiled, bumping her hip and shoulder into his, before taking hold of his hand, their arms swinging between them. Neither noticed the blue butterfly fluttering in the pattern of a figure eight above their heads all the way to the gate.


	15. A Possibility for Joy

**Disclaimer:** Not my own.

**A/N:** Thank you all for still continuing to read, review, and favorite this story. It's far surpassed my initial expectations. I can't believe there's 15 chapters now. I hope you'll continue to read and review. **Reviews are love**. Reviews, even if you don't like my story are immensely welcome. They are a great motivator when you feel like you're running out of steam and I enjoy your feedback so much! _**So please read, review, and enjoy.**_ And...now, here are **virtual tissues** and the latest in the lives of our beloved Caskett! **P.S.** _We're in the home stretch now, guys! Season 6 is SIX, count'em __**S.I.X.**__ days away! __**Love always, Eliza**_

**Chapter 15: A Possibility for Joy**

"Even on the worst days, there's a possibility for joy." – Katherine Houghton Beckett

She'd just cleared away the remnants of their evening meal and was pouring them each a glass of red wine. Setting the bottle on the counter, Kate carried the glasses over to the living room where Castle was lounging on the sofa idly channel surfing. "So, how long are you planning to withhold the rest of it, Castle?" She asked casually, handing him a glass.

Never faltering he accepted the drink from her. He didn't bother to feign surprise or pretend not to understand. "It was never about lying to you or keeping it from you, Kate. It was about not wanting to taint your mother's memory any more than I had to."

Settling into her corner of the sofa, she slipped off her flats and curled her legs under her. He smiled at the thought of her wearing those flats in lieu of her usual ridiculously high heels. She'd never admit it, but their height difference thrilled her. At work she always felt the need for control. She had to prove she was as tough as, if not tougher than, her male counterparts. Though no one would deny otherwise, the heels gave her a sense of leverage. They evened the playing field. Or so _she_ believed. He'd observed Kate long enough to know what actually gave her the advantage. It was her dedication, her intelligence, and her compassion.

A fleeting smile passed over his lips as he watched her intently, his gaze sliding over her lithe figure. His heart swelled every time he thought of how close he'd come to losing her. It didn't matter that she was wearing yoga pants and an oversized t-shirt. No make-up and her hair in a messy bun. She was stunning and she was _here_. Time and again they found their way back to one another. This time…this time he wanted it to be forever.

Drowsy from exhaustion and the effects of the red wine, she rewarded him with a dazzling smile and the offer of her hand. "Come here, Castle."

"Missing me already?" He teased.

"Mmm…" she murmured noncommittally. "Not really. It's just…I know how much you like to cuddle." She smirked, sliding toward his end of the sofa and wedging her body between his legs so that her back rested against his chest. Pressing her head against his shoulder, she lifted her chin to pepper kisses along his jawline. "I'm ready, Castle. Ready for you to tell me the whole story."

He watched her silently for several seconds. Watched the play of emotions over her face. Watched as her usually guarded eyes shifted their focus to him. Her shield was gone. She was here with him and they would get through this together.

He spoke the words softly, his breath stirring the loose tendrils of auburn hair caressing her neck. He could feel the beat of her heart through the fabric of their shirts. Strong and steady. Its rhythm in sync with his own. "Beckett…Kate…I…." He expelled a lung full of air. He swore he'd never lie to her. _Today, he wished he could_. "Beckett, when the doctors in DC conducted their initial eval, they found out that you…that we were pregnant. It was still early. Eight weeks. The crash was too much for your body to handle." Rick paused to catch his breath. Tears streaming down his face. He pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck and wrapped his arms around her midsection. He felt her body stiffen in response to his words, his touch. "You didn't _know_. _We_ didn't know, Kate. There was nothing mentioned in your agency physical. It was too soon. And with all the preparations for your move to DC, we weren't paying attention to the signs." He held her close, giving her time to absorb his words and their meaning. The fact that she'd lost both her mother and their unborn child because of one man's greed and disregard for humanity. That he himself had killed Bracken and abandoned her after the fact. He was terrified – had been for some time. How would she handle this latest news? Would she…could she forgive him?

Kate sat rooted to the spot and yet inside her body was quaking. Her mind barely registering the tears flowing freely. Everything hurt. Much like it had when she'd first awakened in the hospital. Only worse. She never thought it could be worse. Kate's hand settled over her middle, her fingers splayed across her stomach. Would they have had a boy or a girl? Whose traits and coloring would their child have inherited? Would she have any stretch marks? Would they have had another by now? Her breathing hitched. She felt a panic attack coming on and bile rising in her throat. Hurriedly she got to her feet, rushing toward the bathroom. "I'm going to be sick."

She was sitting, eyes closed, with her back against the tiled wall when Castle entered. Quietly, he reached into the linen closet for a washcloth. He dampened it with cool water and knelt beside her. Lightly he placed the cloth against her forehead before dabbing at her mouth and chin. "Why don't I get you a glass of ice water? When you're ready you can rinse your mouth. I can run a bath for you or maybe you'd prefer a shower?" He was rambling because he was nervous and scared. He didn't want to leave her alone. Reluctantly, he stood and turned to walk away to fetch her drink.

Her voice, battered and raw, stopped him in his tracks. "I need you to stay. _I need you_."

Castle slumped against the wall and pulled her into his lap. His fingers stroking her back while his lips rested against her hair.

"I'm so sorry, Castle. I'm so sorry."

Gruffly he replied, "Don't you _dare_ apologize."

She interrupted, "If I'd not tackled him, just let him get into that limo…I'd be a mother and you'd be a father again." Her words ending on a sob.

"You don't know that. None of this was your fault. You'd made peace with the past…_you'd let_ _it go_. You were moving on with your life. We were moving on together. _So don't you dare feel_ _guilty_."

"I don't know what else to feel, Castle. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. How do you say good-bye to something you never knew you wanted until you found out it was gone?"

"I don't know." He held her quietly while the sobs racked her body. When she'd run out of tears and her body was slack from exhaustion, he spoke softly to her. "Kate, let me take you to bed. It's late."

She rose quietly, too tired to speak. Too tired to protest when Castle lifted her in his arms and carried her to their bed.

* * *

"Richard, dear. What are you doing sitting here in the dark?"

Blurry-eyed and disoriented, Castle muttered, "Hello, Mother. I was sleeping until you so rudely awakened me." He blinked several times trying to adjust to the brightly lit room.

Ignoring his failed attempt at sarcasm, Martha joined him on the sofa. "Seriously, Richard. What are you doing out here? I thought Katherine was staying over."

Rubbing his tired eyes, Castle replied, "She's sleeping. I came out here…." He paused to check the time. "An hour ago. I was restless…had a lot on my mind. I guess I fell asleep at some point."

"Is everything alright? Did you and Katherine have a disagreement?"

"No. No. Why would you think such a thing?"

"Well, you are on the sofa and she's in the bed…." She replied, her tone clearly indicating her assumption was logical given the circumstances and that her usually astute son was, to put it plainly, dense.

Running his hand through his hair, he shifted on the sofa. "Mother, Kate knows." He paused collecting his thoughts. "She knows everything. About Bracken. And the baby. I told her about the baby. Our baby."

Martha gathered her son in her arms as he wept. "She blames herself, but she shouldn't. It's _my_ fault. I re-opened her mother's case. _I made her a target_."

Martha pushed him away from her. Holding him at arms' length, she shook his shoulders demanding his attention. "Richard Castle, you listen to me! Don't you dare, _not for one second_ think that you are responsible for all that happened here. That man had a plan that began long ago, when you and Kate were still wet behind the ears. _My darling boy, do not let one man steal_ _your joy_. You and Katherine **will** survive this. And you'll do it _together_."

Before he could utter a reply, a small clear voice carried across the room. "She's right, Castle."


End file.
